Please tell me why NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Please tell me why NC!
Sun, 04-22-2012 - 8:54pm
Had a tremendously hard day today...saw my xap at the movies, I was with my family, he was with his, and now all I want to do is contact him to tell him how much that hurt, to see him with his family! Just to SEE him at all after this 9 day NC....
Why? Why am I so set back like this after doing soooo well? I don't want him back, I don't want him back...I keep telling myself this over & over but I can't get him out of my head tonight :( I'm so sad and mixed up, WTH!

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Sun, 04-22-2012 - 9:15pm

Oh Good god...saw him at the movies? That just totally sxx! Hang in there. I just came back from prison, and met the guard that xAP was/ and probably still is seeing.

And like you? It hurt, hurt, hurt. Which is why..NC.

Okay. I am not one to lecture on the merits of n.c. I kept breaking it..over..and over..and over..and everytime? Things were good for a day...a week...a day..and then we were right back to square one. And everytime I wished I had left it alone because we ended on much worse notes than the time before.

For what it's worth. I read the Zen of Doing Nothing at EAS healing library..every single day...sometimes a couple times a day..for almost 10 days. Maybe that will help?

Wish I could give you something more solid..but I'm not in any position to give much advice..hang in there. We are right here with you.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sun, 04-22-2012 - 9:41pm
Oh BK. I am so sorry. That totally is just a major mucked up thing. But this is exactly why N/C. I totally know this was out of your control, but if you contact him now, you will get hurt, and it will hurt worse this time. Breathe...breathe. Of course he is on your mind, any one of us would have the same reaction!! DO NOT beat yourself up about this. You would have to be inhuman to not be thinking of him. Just work through it. Don't bury it and feel the pain. Use the 48 hour rule. Come here before you do anything. Your doing great, just keep telling yourself that. Oh gosh, what a bunch of yuck this happened. But you can do this BK. You don't want any part of that life anymore, and you are still grieving this loss, so everything you are feeling is NORMAL. Hang in there. Please let us know how you are. Big hug!!! Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 5:42am
Thank you breeze. & Daisy...I didn't contact, just went to bed to try to forget...but honestly didn't sleep, and what sleep I did get, yup, dreams of him, his family, our families actually meeting, woke up a few times SO thankful that they were only dreams!
Is this really normal? Because right now I feel like a crazy obsessed woman, letting it get to me the way it did, and the fact that I couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to, turn off my thoughts!
Well, day 10 today, and I'm still NC. And although the feelings still haven't subsided, I plan on keeping it that way..

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 9:37am

yay bk! you made it through! the universe tried to test you and boy was that tough, but you did it. was there anything about you both being with your families that possibly reminded you why the A had to end? so that you can enjoy family time and get back to the lives and people that love you and need you? maybe that's what this little run in was intended to do. and also show you how STRONG you are. its ok that you went home and cried. this will pass...i can't imagine how challenging that was though. if i ever saw xap in real life...I am sure I'd about pass out. well i did once long before the A began but when I was.already having feelings for him and i did about pass out. not sure how I'd fare if it.happened now but guess what, I have you for inspiration because you handled it beautifully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 11:33am
Because NC is the way to ensure you don't get any new hurts.
My xAP broke NC after 4 months and I tried to "be friends" with him for a few.months.

Oh joy! All the bad parts of the A (the never feeling important, the waiting for an email etc etc).with none of the feel goods. Bad plan! :)

Try to look at.each day of early.NC as "I am protecting myself from.future harm", "this day X of NC, while sucky, will never have to be repeated slogged through again if I stay.the.course".

You can do this, sweetheart, you can!