The power of positive thinking vs. letting it out

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
The power of positive thinking vs. letting it out
8
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 8:33am

First of all a confession...

I am one of the fairly fanatical church of Oprah people.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010

Morning, Lulu!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

This is a great post, Luluellis

Right up my alley...you know me and my Affirmations :)


Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
I AM Kim. :)

I bet maybe you can guess my answer, right? Because I think that by now, you know that I am huge proponent of the "feel what you feel, good and bad" school of thought? And maybe you also know that as a long-time deny-my-feelings girl from WAY back - that doing it that way didn't really get me anywhere good, and instead, the opposite happened? Where I had negative feelings that I tried to deny, ignore, stuff down, bury, overlay, hide...but that doing all of those things didn't actually make them go away, but instead, only allowed them to bury themselves deeper in my soul, my spirit, my psyche - and linger, and worse, fester? And that the festering led me to feeling utterly worthless, and utterly useless, and only continued and amplified the negative self-talk spiral I was already on?

Yeah. Bet you can guess my answer. :)

There IS power in positive thinking. But I don't believe that it should come with a cost. And for me, trying to blow past the negative feelings and only tell myself positive things only led me deeper down the rabbit hole of self-hate. Which...seems to be the opposite of what the guy on Oprah says should happen.

There are people in the world that we should be angry with, rather than try to bury the anger and paste a smile on over it. That sort of thing leads to some pretty wicked resentment. Because the anger doesn't really go away - it just well, festers. And eventually boils over, and we end up acting in ways that are...not positive at all. To anyone, really.

Positive thoughts work - positive affirmations, going all Stuart Smalley on a situation, or on yourself - all of that is really good for you, and can help a lot. But, I guess I feel like you can still have the anger or whatever negative feeling, feeeeeeel it, process it, work through it - and come to the positive thoughts place as a natural next step.

But I think that the processing it, and working through it are really the keys there. Anger and other negative feelings are fine to feel - they aren't things to be feared, or avoided. But, at the same time, sometimes they are easy to get lost in, and stuck in. And that is dangerous too.

Which...is my last point, now that I think about it for a second. If you don't allow yourself to feel the feelings, and process them, and work through them - if you don't get the practice in recognizing them, and in dealing with them - then it seems to me like it could be easier to become overwhelmed by them, and to get stuck in them. To let THEM call the shots - because you have no experience with you working them, rather than them working you.

I AM incapable of short answers.

I AM not sure if this came out the way I wanted it to.

I AM going to hit post anyway, because I like to live on the edge like that.

:)

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011

Hearts, Clarity, Kim,

Thank you for your insights.

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 10:51am

I AM Happy!

I AM Happy As Me!

I AM lying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 10:22am
Lulu....I don't know where to begin. I guess I am so hypersensitive to these kind of discussions right now I am thinking maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and not say what I really think. But what the heck... Positive thinking? You bet. There is a time and a place for that. Not grieving the loss of something? There is no time or place for that. And grieving means being sad, sitting with those feelings, learning skills to come to terms with unfinished business in lost relationships and working through that. I am in total agreement in what Kim said. Your a big pot, you keep filling up with unfinished grief, and at some point the pot boils over. No amount of positive thinking could have changed the grief I ignored for most of my life. We are taught to hide our grief, greive alone, replace the loss ( thus my affair after losing my mom). So here I am, in this very intense grief program and it sucks! It's hard work. No wonder people don't want to do this. But, here comes the positive part, I know I HAVE to do this for ME. To be healthy, to be happy, to be a person capable of being in a healthy relationship with boundaries and respect and love. That is the goal. That is what I want. That is pretty wonderful. Daisy
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
You're not off topic, Happy. :)

Thank you for sharing that.

And thank you for being you.

Hugs,

Kim

    

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Daisy love,

Never keep your mouth shut.

Always say what you really think.

:)

Kim