a quiet phone and no secrets!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
a quiet phone and no secrets!
3
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 9:41am

As I've posted about before, I ended my last shred of A-land about 10 days ago when I walked from a boundary-crossing friendship with a MM. I went crutchless, and sober from any hits of attention from outside my M.

I had sufferend from 'message-dependency' since my first A began in late 2010. From one AP to the next - emails & chat texts, constantly looking at my phone, keeping it on me at all times, locking it, scrambling to clear chats if H asked to see the phone for a second, etc etc.

My phone is now UNLOCKED. I can leave it in another room without fear of him picking it up and seeing something he shouldn't see. It is not in my hands every second of the day. There are no messages and chats pinging in every minute to give me that little ding of pleasure and excitement.

It's been quiet, but lovely. I still fiend for that attention and communication that I was so used to, but like any other habit, I can reverse the triggers by allowing time to keep passing and getting cleaner and cleaner. FEELS GOOD!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2012
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 10:38am
Miss,

I completely understand your feelings regarding the attention from outside your M. I, too, used to wait for my phone to ring or get a message from my xap every day. I loved the attention from him. But then my H found the deleted messages 4 months ago when he hacked my account and it was d-day. Since then we've had many discussions about xap and I've cried many tears at the loss of my boundary crossing friendship with a MM. My H hacked my account again over the weekend and removed xap from my contact list; something I should have done but couldn't bring myself to do yet.

I will pass this time with you and we can reverse the triggers together. It is a nice feeling to know our phones are no longer "secret."

Hugs,
~Soul
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 2:18pm
Hugs back! We're doing it!!
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 9:49pm
You are doing it. :)

No more secrets is a lovely feeling - embrace it.

Hugs,

Kim