a quiet phone and no secrets!
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|Tue, 04-24-2012 - 9:41am|
As I've posted about before, I ended my last shred of A-land about 10 days ago when I walked from a boundary-crossing friendship with a MM. I went crutchless, and sober from any hits of attention from outside my M.
I had sufferend from 'message-dependency' since my first A began in late 2010. From one AP to the next - emails & chat texts, constantly looking at my phone, keeping it on me at all times, locking it, scrambling to clear chats if H asked to see the phone for a second, etc etc.
My phone is now UNLOCKED. I can leave it in another room without fear of him picking it up and seeing something he shouldn't see. It is not in my hands every second of the day. There are no messages and chats pinging in every minute to give me that little ding of pleasure and excitement.
It's been quiet, but lovely. I still fiend for that attention and communication that I was so used to, but like any other habit, I can reverse the triggers by allowing time to keep passing and getting cleaner and cleaner. FEELS GOOD!!!!