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|Thu, 08-14-2014 - 9:04am|
Hi! I'm back after about three years (under a different name). I got amazing support on this board and remain very grateful for it. Still, was not strong enough to end my affair back then. I finally did it properly a few months ago. I have cut off contact with ex-AP completely and have been repairing my relationship with my husband. Actually repairing is not right: I'm trying to build something new with him. It's been going well - ups and downs, of course, but I've been committed and patient and brave. UNTIL. Last night, I had a one-night-stand with another guy. I won't go into details of how it came about. But it broke me. What it has shown me is that, even as I have been working on my marriage, I've still been keeping options open to get involved with another person, just in case the marriage doesn't work after all, I guess. To make sure I will be loved and desired and protected one way or another. A sort of twisted insurance policy, which manifested itself in seeking attention from men. And ended in this mistake. And now confusion and PAIN I cannot describe.
All that has happened has led me to resolve this: tonight I'm going to tell my husband about my affair and hope he will be willing to build a relationship with me that is based on complete honesty. I will admit I have a serious problem and hope he might forgive me and help me deal with it or at least stick around until I deal with it. And if not? Scary thought. But at least I will be rid of a poisonous lie.
I'm so scared! I've decided to reach out to this wonderful community, because of the support I experienced last time I was here: both the words of advice and encourgement I was offered and the positive energy that filled me with hope and courage.
Is there anybody out there?