rough day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2012
rough day
10
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 3:31pm
Having a terribly difficult time today. Despite keeping busy with the family and weekend chores the weekends seem so hard. Not only do I miss xAP but I miss knowing someone cares about what I'm doing and wants to check in on me from time to time. I notice myself comparing how my H is with our child with what kind of father xAP is to his and still wonder if we would have been the perfect little family. It's truly heart wrenching esp when the pain is all in secrect. Trying to put on a happy face is grueling. I fear I will never again have that passion and deep connection and the older I get the more defeated I feel in that regret. Although H and I are in MC I don't know that things will ever be what I desire ans that terrifies me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2012
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 3:42pm
And will I ever stop wondering how xAP is doing and if he worked things out at home and if we still have a chance? Anyone else ever go through this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 5:08pm

It DOES get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2012
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 6:01pm
Thank you for your words. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. You sound like a very strong person. The A ended a month ago but we went NC 3 weeks ago. This was not by my choice. I was a basket case and very up and down emotionally at the end and he couldn't deal with it anymore. The A was exciting to say the least but I miss so many things about the friendship as well. I live in a constant state of fear that maybe he was "the one" and now it will never be. I worry he has forgotten about me and I feel so rejected.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 6:25pm

So he was a SM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 6:25pm
Aw Time4Change, I'm so sorry you are hurting. Those "what if" thoughts can be torture and you are so early into your ending that it is hard to see past the pain. All I can say is that no hurt lasts forever because it can't. Not because it won't but it can't. We are made to heal but only when we actively care about ourselves and seek out well being. With that said, you will not be able to go around the pain, you must go.through it. Everyhing you're feeling about Xap and your m is normal, Honey. Please know that YOU are not rejected but the toxic A is. Noone else dictates your value, worth, or lovability so hang onto who you are and strive to make your life better. Concentrate on the relationship with yourself first. If you're wondering if you are with the right person, always ask yourself first if YOU are the right person. You deserve peace and happiness so make this about you. Wishing you strength and sending big comfort hugs. GH
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 6:45pm
How are you doing today, time?

We care about you, and we're checking in on you. :)

Hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2012
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:46pm
Aww thanks Kim. I am very up & down. Having trouble keeping my mind off of the what ifs and letting go of the dreams. Still unable to think about being physical with my H. Does that pass? It's been 1 month and I still hope 4 a sign from x AP I guess. He had a big family and I have none do the dream of having that is hard to let go of. Also he said he though I was the one for him. Guess I'm still finding it hard to believe it was all lies. I understand A is a fantasy but when 2 single people date they don't share bills, kids, etc so what is the difference? What if he wad the one & I list out and will never experience that passion again? That scares me to no end. Help!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2012
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 8:28pm
Auto correct is the worst! What if he was the one & I missed out? Seems NC gets harder everyday rather than easier since I know the more time that goes by the less likely he is to contact me. It was so nice knowing for a time someone out there cared about me daily to risk everything to talk to me. I know it was wrong but was still flattering beyond what I can ever get from my H.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 10:36pm
Hi Time,

It does pass. You're still very early into the journey, so keep in mind that while all of it feels so big and overwhelming right now, that will start to get better, with every day that passes. And how you feel right now is not how you will feel forever, so have hope, okay?

It really does get better, sweetie - I promise you it does.

I know it's really hard right now. There seems to be some kind of tipping point sometimes, with the NC, where it's like...it starts to sink in that all of it is really REAL, and not just a phase or something. And that is a hard realization, it really is, and it is hard to get through. It definitely feels worse before it feels better. And that just sucks - it really does.

But you can get through it. Have faith - there is an end to this sweetie.

Hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:31pm

Not really knowing your story, I'm basing this response to what you're saying in this thread.

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