Searching for help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Searching for help
16
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 9:51am

Our d-day came in December. My W discovered my internet chat with the OW. I lied about it and continued to lie to her. I finally told her that i had an AF a few weeks later.We have been on the rollercoaster ride.Although we have had some discussions and I am seeking help with a fellowship were managing to progress slowing in a healing procees. Then a trigger went off and she hit rock bottom and is reliving this terrible unforgiving

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 10:12am

Dear Obieny,

If you could write her

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 10:25am
Buddy
Thanks for the insight & reply. She has told me she saves all our e-mails and txt messages. Things were moving slowly in the right path , then it just crashed out of control. I hate what I did to her and hate even more that i have destroyed her I know time will tell. Maybe I just want the healing to progress sooner beacuse we did have some good days together
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 12:47pm

Obieny,

I'm really, really sorry that you and your family are going through this and I send you tons of cyber-support for your healing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 12:58pm

Obieny,

Hi and welcome to the board. A few of us here have been through D-days and know all too well the rollercoaster of rebuilding.

I want to get out a few questions before I dive in here. First have you ended your A on all levels? Are you NC (no contact) with your xAP (ex-affair person)?

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 2:24pm

Dee

Thanks for the reply & insight

obie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 2:48pm
E1
Thanks so much for your reply and you have opened my mind. Yes the A has ended and no contact whatsoever. W therapy has not started nor has it been discussed , but willing to attend a couples session as part of the fellowship I attend weekly and It helps me very much. I realize the " fix" and will try to understand it better. That never clicked in my head but thanks. I also never thought about "poor boundries" but id whatI thin it means it does make a lot of sence to me. I keep telling W , I'm the one who caused this , made the choice and I want to heal it. I see what you mean that I cannot heal her but only support her in every way I can. thank you so much , your reply has given me so answeres to the demons that I have
obie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 10:55am
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:24am
Obi - welcome to the board.

If you are interested in hearing from the BS point of view, you could post on the All Sides Board. That space is designed for the WS and BS to talk - unlike this space.

I would ask that the BS's reading this post and others here respect that this is our "safe place", and refrain from posting here.

Thanks,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:42am
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:50am
Yeah, this isn't actually the All Sides board - that board is found here:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/All-Sides-of-an-Affair/ct-p/iv-ivallsides

The board guidelines are here -

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Coffee-Break/BOARD-GUIDELINES/m-p/117255847/message-uid/117255847#U117255847

The All Sides board is specifically designed for the "two sides" to offer advice and opinions. This board is not.

Thanks,

Kim

    

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