The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.
I'm doing this for me because it's the "right" thing to do.... NC since 1/14/14
BK's line hit me.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
"I thought..thank God I have not hurt this man..or myself..again."
This is what stands out to me Breeze.
Thanks for all the feedback. I wrote a long drawn-out post...and then it just deleted.
So..it's been another high-trigger day. We had an event at the prison where I volunteer that happens twice a year. I had just added PA to EA the last time this unit had this event. AND I met the guard (one of the clinchers in going n.c.) that xAP was seeing near the end of our time together. I have no idea if they are still seeing eachother or not. Sort-of suspect they are. She seems nice. It was tough.
BUt..on the upside..I had a three hour lunch date with a close friend. We were discussing marital stuff and I spilled the beans and told her the whole A saga! My friend knows us both. She was laughing at me! It was so nice and refreshing.
AND when I met the guard? My friend was standing next to me almost more horrified than I was. We got in the car to leave and all she could say was "Holy Shxx! I thought I was screwing up."
Aren't friends great?
That said. I did not text xAP today. And other than guard and concern about triggers? I'm really glad I didn't back out today. The guys on the inside had lots of good conversation on picking yourself up..over and over and over again. And on the importance of grace to yourself and others. Good stuff.
Tonight. MY 17 d.s. and I are having a Numbers t.v. series marathon. Tomorrow? 3 weeks!