So lets talk...

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
So lets talk...
28
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 2:51pm

I am counting, you know.

Counting the number of times just today that I have seen you say that you haven't been posting because you're still hurting and how many times can you say that and you don't want to sound like a broken record and you don't want to annoy people by posting the same thing every day and...and...and...and...

Didn't we JUST talk about this?

    

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2011
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 3:42pm
Oh Kim , your so funny lol I always love your posts. I so want to talk about ME..lol( Toby Keith song came to mind there for all you other country folk) Well, really I'm posting so much today because I'm bored out of my mind. I'm snowed in today :( I'm freezing so I doubt I wanna get naked metaphorically or otherwise ;) but I guess I will if that gets this post rolling. #1. How I've dealt with my pain is talking to friends mostly. I've also( but it's been a while) just let myself cry it out. I have also tried to stay so busy that I don't have time to think about it.(that's distracting myself I suppose) #2. I'd say that something that holds me back at times is being unhappy with my H. I'm contemplating ways to deal with this or just end my M for good if that's what it comes too. #3. I've worked out (trying to continue a healthier lifestyle) I bought myself a new phone & I also am planning a mani & pedi trip with a friend soon. Yay! I'm curious to see some other replies to your post.. No doubt if my message runs together blame Apple not me..lol It only does it on mobile :( I assure you it's nice and pretty before I hit post :) LGO
Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 3:45pm
Ok....since I was the one saying that...I'll be the first to say....thank god for you Kim. This is gonna sound weird...please don't think I'm psycho ( which is what xAP said every time I had an emotion--grrrr). You are becoming like a mother figure to me!! I'm 45, lost my mom 2 years ago, hummmm....affair started right after that....and I really shouldn't need a mother, but damn girl...you know how people think. So, mom-like-figure...here are your answers for me. 1. For the first time I am letting it happen. I am feeling the pain, grieving ( big big big issue with me) and going to T, which is why I know grieving is a big issue for me. Lol I am at that rock bottom place of grieving over this A, but that has been like the "pushing me over the edge" thing. I am grieving everything that has happened to me...big things...giving up a child when I was 17, which was my parents decision, losing another child, A my H had years ago, my mom dying...you get the picture. I thought I was being tough, and turns out that that didn't work out so well. :). So, I am dealing directly with my pain. No more tough girl for me. 2. Rejection. That is my biggest wall. My XAP and I were very close to making a life together and then he said he wanted to go N/C for 30 days. I knew right there at that moment that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. He never ever worried or cared about how something might affect me, he only cares about himself. So, this is the first time I have been rejected like that and rejected by someone I trusted and loved and who had said he loved me. I'm a damn fool. 3. Nothing, except come to this board, trust in the vets and get out of bed every morning. But maybe that is giving myself something I have never done before....given myself time. I'll try not to get mushy here...but you people are literally saving my life right now. You guys and my children. Can't imagine where I would be without those 2 things. I'm crying again...so .....next person please! Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 3:58pm

OK- this is a great post and I am one of them who said today that I wanted to stop seeing myself 'go on' about my situation and didn't want to post too much.. so here goes

#1 - how specifically are you dealing with your pain?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2011
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 4:39pm
Daisy, your post brought tears to my eyes. (((((hugs)))))) LGO
Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2009
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 5:41pm
Kimmie, I am so past my affair, but I'll answer anyway because I'm afraid you'll find out somehow that I was one of the ones who clicked on the thread but didn't post, and you scare me.
1) I cried - A LOT. It helped.
2) Forgiving myself - which I accomplished by making a deal that I could forgive myself as long as I kept the promise to never go down that affair road again. So far, so good! I think I'm good from here on out, too.
3) I do stuff for myself all the time! I really do love myself and take good care of me. That is a good thing to ask, because you can't move on to loving yourself until you actually start with the motions (that sounds dirty!)

Also, just wanted to say that you and your board are the best things around. Seriously. There is so much hypocrisy, power fights and high school nonsense going on with other boards that it only adds to one's struggles - but none of that here. You make this place safe and fun and easy. You are incomparable.

And wait - I thought it was stubborn Stacy and nagging Nancy - no??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 7:24pm
I agree with Mia. You do create a board that feels inviting and safe. I also believe you ask very insightful questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 7:34pm
Hi there Kimmy poo.
1. You name it I've tried it related to dealing with my pain. Lately what has really helped is Pming friends from the bd and having support from my brother.
2. The biggest thing that stands in the way of my healing is myself. This happened recently when I looked at cuddly (vomit) pics of xap and my coworker then internalizing it and personalizing and going back to the rawness of the beginning. The other thing that WAS standing in the way was needing to interact with xap's gf. Now that this isn't going to happen i feel 100lbs lighter. It's amazing.
3. I put myself out there and interviewed for a couple jobs. I kicked a$$ and even though I don't think the jobs are going to be for me, it was a good experience and I'll keep looking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 7:36pm
#1 - how specifically are you dealing with your pain?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 6:19am

Hello All,

Yes I have crawled out from under my rock to respond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 8:58am

#1 - how specifically are you dealing with your pain?

~Sunny~

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