Soooo Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Soooo Frustrated
7
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 4:42pm

Okay. I'm really not trying to monopolize these boards today. I promise. I had planned to stay off completely for a day or two..and just..you know..engage in living. But this is a tough day! I have been on an unpleasant emotional rollercoaster to start with..and

I am soooo frustrated with my H. Really, really, really, really. We had some serious issues before A. (well, duh..who doesn't right?) We thought we would separate this year..then recently have been trying to give it a real go. But oh. my. god. He is sooo controlling!!!! Today I have had no privacy..and he has told me how to load a dishwasher, how to vacuum a floor, to ignore kids and plant peppers! Complained or smirked about every place I have sent a resume to., etc. Hello? What planet is he on? Oh..I know. The jerk planet!!!

Okay. If you had to put it in degrees of somewhat controlling, quite controlling and very controlling. H is in the quite (as in high quite) controlling category. Sometimes it is worse than others.

Lately..he has been so busy with his own stuff? That he's given it a rest. I was becoming hopeful, I guess.Today. It is flat out for the birds! So here I am. NOT texting xAP

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 5:19pm
Ugh, RB. Sounds like you are under a ton of stress. And it has got to be very frustrating with H's controlling behavior and then on top of that, responsibilities to babies, household stuff, finding a job...wow. What do you say to H when he is telling you how to load a dishwasher? That control stuff directed at you seems like a direct attack, but trying to put a somewhat positive spin on it, do you see this type of behavior with his family/parents? He most likely does not even see this as controlling behavior if that is how he has been comfortable doing things for a long time. Have you communicated your feelings about this to him? Maybe on a better day?
I am sorry this has not been one of those "better" days.
Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 5:30pm

(((HUGS)))

It has to be very difficult to deal with someone trying to micro manage you. Doesn’t sound pleasant in the least.

I’m glad you came here to post and vent and not the alternative of contacting xAP.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 8:23pm
RB, I'm sorry you are frustrated and feeling micro-managed. If the roles were reversed your H would be a nagging wife. Kudos to you for coming here instead of texting xAP

Tomorrow will be a better day

I now have a confession to make: I am always telling H that he doesn't know how to load a dishwasher. He always does it wrong, no matter how many times I tell him. Ummmm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:49pm

Once again..thanks for all the support...

Yes..we have discussed this need of his to control at nauseum over the past decade.Finally..well, I just quit mentioning it...and yes..he did learn this growing up. I hit a point a few years ago where I just listened to whatever he said., and then did whatever i was going to do. It was a huge part of what led me to emotionally checking out in the past. We have both

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 9:17am

That's how I handle MH when he is trying to control...I do what I want to do anyway.

Case in point.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 9:45am
Oh Clarity...you crack me up. I can just see you opening that can of beans!!! You go girl!!! Daisy
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 10:21pm
A nap works.

I've also heard some terribly ugly rumors that when I'm hungry, I get a tiny bit ridiculous...

So you know, if the nap doesn't work - you could try feeding him instead.

;)

Kim