Starting to see

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Starting to see
9
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 11:51am
Hi everyone it has been a week now NC. I still feel sad really sad but I am starting to see what my A really was was a mirage. It wasn't real and when I was with xap my instincts told me this was wrong. I felt really low he would call me his little B*&^ and just use me but yet I still continuned it was like drug. Why did I go so low to let JAM treat me that way.. I haven't had any intimacy with him for well over a yr since I ended it. It has just been talking and kiss he had forced upon me in the laundry room when I was doing laundry. After it happened he said bet you feel good now I ran away shocked letting my hubby finish the laundry. He has also made other fishing attempts. I am proud of myself it has been week NC since the kissing incident. I see him though outside time to time getting in his truck to go to work and he sees me leaving for work and he smirks at me. I just ignore him. I am starting to see it was all a game to him and I was his pawn. My hubby told me I am so much better than that. After I ended it hubby confronted him it wasn't pretty from what hubby says.... and he still tries to fish and this was over a year ago ladies since my the confrontation! I am feeling strong today the sun is shining and I am alive and have a wonderful family that I feel so blessed to have. JAM can try to fish all he wants but truth is he dosent deserve me and I think he knows this he is just trying to play his little childish game which is so OVER :) Peace Love, Andie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 2:51pm

>>JAM can try to fish all he wants but truth is he dosent deserve me<<<

Ahhh, but you see, he thinks you both DESERVED each other because you were willing to dip in the affair gunk with him.  You are no better than he is, so I don't understand the "high horse".  No matter that you're saying all A-stuff being over, you have to back that up with actions.  Therefore, your continuing to have conversations with him is sending out mixed signals.

If you're really serious about getting off of this coaster ride and moving on.  CUT all ties with them.  No more chances of kissing in the laundry room.  Move if you have to.  Get you and your family away from this very destructive situation.  Time to grow up and make adult decisions to protect yourself and your family.

It's obvious that your AP (after what you both colluded to) has lost all respect for you and your H.  You can't control him, but you can control you.  Cut all avenue of CONTACT!  Cut all TIES.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 3:06pm
I'm sorry I didnt mean to sound like I was on a high horse I am trying to build up my self esteem. I know I was wrong. Yes I am going to back up my actions I have officially cut all ties period. I wish I could move you should refer to thread What's your story to see my situation. I dont mean to sound rude. Like I said I am just trying to build up my self esteem that all. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2012
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 8:26pm

I beg to differ with Goddess, there Andie. If the guy forced himself on you, if he called you something insulting, how on earth is that your fault?If you are trying to keep your distance and he is behaving in these rather aggressive ways, you are clearly the better person (yes, I realize this sounds judgmental. It is: I don't think a man should call his x a b*tch).. I would advice staying as far away from him as possible. It seems he's showing his true colors now.

--Yoga

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 10:54pm

Hi Yoga. he didnt call me that when he kissed me but he did force a kiss though. That is what JAM used to call me when we were together he would call me his little b@tch because I would do anything he wanted. He is showing his true colors and has been he was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde syndrome.

 I feel ashamed for sinking so low the way he used to treat me. It was really hard to get out of it was like a drug to me that I couldn't break .A drug that was very dangerous. One that could possibly kill me, but I am not going to let that happen.

 I am strong woman, if he think he can break me he is wrong. I am strong I am avoiding him like the plague. Please pray for me, thanks :)                                  Peace Love Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2012
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 4:34pm

It IS like a drug. I know about it too! And you'll have withdrawal symptoms, but it'll slowly get better and better. And though being ashamed might actually be useful in helping you get away, at some point you'll also have to forgive yourself, accept that you're human, and that we humans sometimes make mistakes. But that doesn't have to determine who you are from now on.

Hugs,

-Y

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 9:17pm

 Thanks yoga for the reply that was nice :) Well today was interesting when I got home from work he was outside and he saw me and said you look nice I didn't say anything back just walked away. I am proud of my self but was really wierd when I walked by he just gave me the creepiest laugh though. It kind scary. What matters is I didnt say anything back. He thinks he is in control I think not! :)  Peace love Andie

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 10:22pm

Good for you, Andie, for not giving him the time of day...you've got him on 'total ignore'. 

This guy sounds really creepy.  Man what a lesson for all us...be more cautious of who we invite into our world.  

Addicts generally stop growing emotionally once they start up with their addiction, so you're dealing with an emotional midget with a huge ego, and I won't be surprised if his little creepy chuckle turns to anger at some point.  Be cautious, and I'd start to make a mental note of his routine...his comings and goings...so you can avoid him at all costs.  And not that you want to become a hostage in your own building, but for now, you don't want to run the risk of seeing him too much.

Maybe I'm a little paranoid, but I don't like the sounds of him and wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 11:06pm

Thanks Clarity you are right he is kinda unstable so to speak. JAM is 6 ft 2 inches taller than DH italian blooded and has a temper who also wears a siver cross around his neck. I am avoiding him like a disease. I dont trust him either clarity. I have seen his true colors in the past and it wasnt colorful. Peace Love Hugs Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 5:48am

>> I beg to differ with Goddess, there Andie. If the guy forced himself on you, if he called you something insulting, how on earth is that your fault? <<

Well, I beg to differ with your interpretation of my response.  I call it like it is, the way it is presented in a particular post.  If that's not your style, then response with how you like.  It's a free board.  But, it seems like you're taking special notice to what I'm saying.  Why is that?  Am I hitting a certain sensitive nerve with you?  I concede I don't know what anyone's whole story is.  How can we?  We only get what we're presented with.  We don't know these people in real life....

Now, did I say I blame Andie for the guy forcing a kiss on her???  Nope.  But, I suggest not engaging in a conversation with the guy in the first place.  Period.

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