today's aha moment...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
today's aha moment...
7
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 6:57pm

and it's probably not that much of an insight to many of you guys..but for me? It was like..."Oh..RB..be glad you are who you are."

But first things first!

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 9:24pm
You made me smile with this post. I am also very competitive. And I am also.someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. So xAP did "win" because he was much more reserved and self-protective than I am.
But.in the end, I would.rather.be the kind of person who can show vulerability.

Congratulations on.your exam!.:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 9:33pm
That's really an interesting perspective and I relate as well. I'm also a mush in some circumstances, I certainly let it all hang out with xap. I know he flipped a switch the day he ended it and moved right along. I have felt angry about that too. I like the way you look at it though, I couldn't be a cold witch with him and a warm love to everyone else I cherish ... so this is the way I am and that's the way it played out.

Great going on the exam!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 1:25pm

Thanks Gypsy. I am relieved i won't have to take it again!

We couldn't get into the prison today because they were short-staffed .(It's a Sunday thing..play guitar and work with Spanish and English choirs)

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 2:25pm
RB, I love your post. This is a classic example of what Kim is always saying - reframe the situation. You are so right that there is no shame in being the one who feels a little more, who opens their heart a little wider, who can't just easily cut someone out of their life. Continue to be proud of who you are, sweets, because you're pretty special.
Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:36pm
RB, i love the way you reframed the ending. I am also very competitive myself and wanted to win the ending. For me, winning the ending was the first to get to "I don't care" and "it doesn't matter" so being the type who let all her feelings out there for xAP, I was doomed to fail. If you replace the verb "replace" with "use" it would fit my situation quite well.

Congrats on your exam and keep being you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 1:07pm

Thanks for the responses..my recovering partners in crime:)

I think replaced could be replaced with used..expendable...etc. I wonder how many words I could come up with? No..actually..don't think I want to go there.

Despite all my pride in my vulnerability this weekend..I have to admit..I was very tempted yesterday. Old childhood friend (private schools and orchestra bud) sent me a private f.b. this weekend. I was SO tempted to open that door and (ahem) replace xAP with this old friend of mine. YOu know..to numb the pain????!!! Ugh. But I didn't.

Couldn't do it to myself.Couldn't do it to my family. Couldn't do it to xAP.Couldn't do it to old friend.

But ..wow...it was so tempting. Yikes. Really need to watch that in myself.

Today is 2 weeks. I'm having a really tough time with that. It was my goal. To shoot for 2 weeks and then go from there..and I am. Now I shoot for another 2 weeks.? Can I do it? (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can)

Sheez..if you had asked me a day or two ago? I would have been like SURE NO PROBLEM. Today? not the day.

Now that the house if full of people, I can't leave and I'm NOT by myself..I can't seem to stop crying !

UGH!!!! Feeling angry, scared, -scared, angry...lonely...abandoned..just plain sad. I really hope this stops soon. But I look at where I was two weeks ago...or the month or two I couldn't get past a few days of n.c...and I know I have come a long way...so here's to healing.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 9:57pm
RB,

Your first post made me laugh. :)

The thing is, though? You ARE winning. Just by virtue of your being here, of reaching out for help, advice, encouragement when you need it - by being open with your struggles and with your accomplishments - by recognizing that you are on this journey, and that yeah...it really does suck, but you're doing your best to see it through - you are already winning.

Because that's the real thing, I think. For all of us. Just the simple fact that you googled, or wandered over here from another board, or a friend told you about the board, or however you found us here - the face that you were hurting, and you reached out for help in dealing with that pain is a WIN.

Whatever they are going through...whatever we imagine they are going through - I think that whatever the truth really is - they're losing, simply because they are dealing with whatever it is on their own. Alone.

:)

Kim

P.S. - there is no quick version. Man, I SO wish that there was. But there is a "better" version - and you have it, honey. (US. We're the better version, in case that wasn't blindingly obvious.)