a trying and eye-opening weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
a trying and eye-opening weekend
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 7:08am

..and I'm still standing:)

This has been a rough week/weekend. xAP was staying directly across field/highway from me at a biker ralley. He called every day. (no..not blocked...) But I didn't bite!

I volunteer at a local prison on Sundays. Yesterday, on my way in, xAP's best friend pulled me aside to warn me that xAP is out-of-control. (I wanted to say ...Really? Ya' Think?) He just said...RB..."he is turning into a black hole of destruction..don't let him suck you in". And I know he is right. XAP is a recovering alcoholic that is now on a drinking binge. He has apparently shown up drunk with 3 different women over 3 different weeks at his friends house...ouch..that hurt to hear...Friend finally had to kick him out. I later learned that xAP has gotten into arguments or fights with 3 of his friends..and was fired from one of his jobs last week.

When I came out of prison (no cell phones allowed) I had several messages from xAP...and yes..I listened..and wow. He was going from one bar to another..and had just fought with someone else!

I am keeping my distance. It hurts to seem him spiral out-of-control...I want better for him. But in a weird way? It makes it easier to stay clear of him this way. And it definately takes the issue of "is it me? What went wrong?" you know..that litltle whisper that is in your head..away. Because this is SO not about me!

Did tell H about xAP's spiral out of control last night. H knew I was down and something was bothering me. I decided to come clean ..well..to a degree. We talked quite a bit about how xAP and I had become so close..and the difficulties letting

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 9:59am
Hi RB,

I remember those days of frantic texts and downspiriling that I jumped into without hesitation. I always came away so very hurt and confocused which is really the fix I was looking for. Keep pulling back from x-ap and clarity for your feelings will become clearer. It is hard to to hear and see someone we care for behave destructively, it is their path though to change the direction that is hurting them and I think you are being very wise to keep your distance. I'm glad you had your H for support, even though this situation is difficult for the two of you having each others support is a comfort and even a motivator to do what is better for each of you. There is alot to be said for a good support system;) Keep taking care RB you are doing great:)