Unsure what to do now
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|Sat, 01-12-2013 - 5:11am|
A little background before I get to the real problem.
About 7 years ago I had an affair with someone I met while in college. My now husband was in the military at the time, (we were not married during this time, we were engaged) and we were living thousands of miles apart for about 11 months out of the year, for an unbearably long three years. The person I was with filled the void that I had with my husband being so far away. I constantly went back and forth for nearly 2 years on who I should be with. It took me a very very long time to realize that I was never in love with the other person at all, even though I cared deeply for him. I had always loved my husband, but the emotional involvment with the other person made it very difficult to end things. Anyway, I did sleep with the other man. However, I never told my husband. This part of it happened for a period of about 6 months over those 2 years. I always used protection with this person, no matter what. He was a virgin, (I know this for a fact), and my husband and I had only been with one another prior to me being with the other man.
I never told my husband about the sexual part of the affair because I told him about kissing the other man and he told me that it would kill him if anything else had happened. I knew that it would probably be the end of our relationship, and it would be extremely painful if I told him. I do not regret not telling him, because I do not want to hurt him anymore than I did. My husband is a type of person who sees things pretty black and white as far as cheating goes, and after all this time, I do not feel it would do anything but possibly destroy our marriage and hurt him if I told him.
Now the problem. The person I had been with started sleeping with a mutual friend while I was with him. I didn't find out about it until after we had stopped having contact with one another. Prior to that, when we had officially stopped seeing each other in person, he told me the girl he was seeing had HPV. He said he didn't give it to her, and I told him men could carry it. At the time however, it made no sense to me how he could have given it to her, since I could have never had an STD. But of course, I believe it was that mutual friend he slept with who gave it to him. I didn't realize it until now.
Recently, I believe I developed a wart on my lady parts. Just one. My husband came home from a deployment and I noticed warts on his scr0tum, however, we both thought they were skin tags when I first saw them. I want to tell him I think it's a wart, because of the one I now have. I don't want to hurt him, and it will literally do nothing but destroy our relationship if I tell him why I think I have HPV. I want him to be able to get treatment, as well as myself, but I don't know what to do. I am hoping I can blame it on something else, even if it is minor, so it will minimize the impact. Something important as well, is that my husband and I have been together since high school, so it's very unlikely that I would be able to say it was from a past boyfriend, as I was never sexually active with them.
My husband did have oral sex with one girl before I knew him. I was thinking maybe I could blame it on that. I don't want to make it his fault, but I don't want to bring up the past. I feel like it would be opening a pandora's box. I am so ashamed that I ever let my emotions blind me so much to make such a mistake in my life, and I just want to put it behind me. I was only 20 and stupid, and didn't know what I wanted in life. How in the world can I go about this? How do I tell him what I have? If he saw the wart, he might also think it's a skin tag, but they are not contagious, so I don't think it would work. He did have warts on his hands for a time, and touched me on my lady parts, but I know that the strain of HPV that causes these warts does not also cause common warts on the hands or feet. If my husband went to the dr to get a prescription the dr might also give him that information that it's only from sexual contact.
Can someone please give me some advice on how to approach this? Something I can blame this on? I know it's my fault, but I can't bear to lose my husband. I can't live with knowing how much pain I caused my husband in the bigger picture. So much time has passed since the affair, I just don't feel it would serve any purpose to tell him what happened, other than to really hurt him. Just thinking about the fact that I did this make me absolutely sick, and I literally have not been able to stop thinking about it since I realized what the bump was.