The urge to contact...
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|Tue, 01-03-2012 - 10:20am|
I made a New Year's Resolution to not contact my xAP...it is hard. He stopped responding to my emails a few months ago, I am either hard-blocked or he is really good at ignoring (our affair ended in May). I haven't emailed often, just in weak moments...such as when I am out doing something alone (which is rare) and I feel like maybe this time, he will respond, and meet up with me...Just to talk...(His office is so close to my home...he works on Saturdays...and it makes me think maybe, just maybe today he will reply...)
I tell myself each time He doesn't want to hear from you, he won't w/b and you will be upset. Then I do it anyway. Sometimes I drive by just to see if his car is there, to help me decide whether or not to bother emailing!
I feel like I can break him...like I used to do...manipulate him into one meeting, one coffee date, one public place but it won't work. So I resolved, no more emails (I don't have his cell#, I had it but deleted it before I memorized it bc I thought it was dangerous. So no texts, no calls). I have his office #... but just wouldn't call there. So all I've got is this email which, I may be blocked from. And I will not go the route of creating a new email just to get it through to him!
I fight the discomfort of wanting to reach him every day. It is just hard- this whole city is a big reminder of him and this time of hyear last year is when it all began...Knowing he is 5 minutes from me every day drives me crazy.