a very small reality check

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
a very small reality check
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 10:53pm

Okay. So I have sort-of leveled out on revelations, and aha moments (as others stated in another thread)...but I had a very small one this evening. For starters, it has been a long day. I am sick...some sort of cold/fluish thing. I feel tired,whiny,puny...and all around ick. I have gotten through the work week by keeping DayQuill and cough drops in my car..and LOTS of kleenex handy. This evening I came home and H was asleep with our toddler. One teen is out at a concert and the other is studying. My house is abnormally quiet. I slipped into my pajamas, heated up some hot tea..and thought..I'm checking back into the boards. It hit me that I have spent a ridiculous amount of time on these boards recently...but you know what? I'm not hurting anyone when I'm here...me or anyone else. I started thinking about missing xAP..then I thought..no...I really don't. I would much rather be nice and comfy in my temporarily quiet home, surrounded by people who truly care about me..even when I am so charmingly hacking away with ick coming out of every crevice in my face...reading and posting on these boards. I would rather be here than anywhere with xAP...even if I was healthy. THIS is where I want to be. At home...and (sigh) yes..posting;)..and reading.  But I needed to realize this..because I get so danged tired of thinking about this whole affair (pun intended)..and wish I could just be free of it..but I'm actually..in some twisted way..enjoying this healing process. So that is it. I'm where I want to be..with all the flaws, hard work and all.

Curious as to what other small (or BIG) revelations and aha moments are happening out there.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 4:47am

Wow Breeze! What a lovely revelation ... you are not missing xAP, you are happy in your home surrounded by people who really do love and care for you ... it doesn't get any better than thatSmile And I'd say the revelations and aha moments are coming thick and fast in the Breeze household at the moment, both for you and your H, you are playing the violin again, that's fantastic, and H has had an aha moment too .... he thinks you got lost and he's glad you're back again (sorry to misquote but I can't remember exactly what he said), and it's a beautiful thing Breeze, I'm so happy for you.

Although the aha moments don't come as often as they used to, they do still come, from us looking deep within ourselves, and from the amazing wisdom and insight from our friends here. The little things that our AYA and EAS friends say to us can make a huge huge impact in our lives. For me, being stuck in my cul-de-sac and feeling like the biggest fattest "f" word in the world and having my lady in shining armour come charging in on her white horse and saying simply "so you're stuck in a cul-de-sac ... so what". And I said to myself "yeah, so what, I actually like it here in this cul-de-sac, there are lots of nice cherry trees and puppies playing in gardens, I think I'll stay here a while and ponder life and when I'm ready I'll make my way out"Smile Those aha moments come in all shapes and sizes, and they are still as powerful.

And I am right there with you Breeze enjoying my journey, I am finding it so enlightening and empowering. I've never done the whole introspectiion and self-improvement thing and boy is it making big changes in my life ... for the better. I have taken so many things that I have learnt from the boards and am using them in my everyday life. From big things like being honest, good, living with integrity and decency to little things I have learnt, like that I can't control how other people behave but I can control how I react to them. That's been mega for me. I always felt responsible for everything ... everyone's bad moods, problems, whatever, I always felt I was to blame for anything bad going on around me. Massive lightbulb moment .... other people's problems are their own problems, not mine. I am even passing on my knowledge to H, who is having a hard time with the boss from h*ll who shouts and balls like a lunatic. I said to H, "you can't control how he behaves, that's his problem, there's something wrong within himself that that's how he conducts himself, but you can control how you react to it, let it go over the top of your head, don't let him get to you". And H listened and is trying to take it on board.

I have also worried Breeze about spending too much time on the boards and had a little break from them, my intention was to go about a fortnight and take it from there. Well, I lasted about 3 or 4 days and I felt I was going on a bit of a downward spiral, so I came back. I need these boards, I need everyone on here. You all know me, you understand me, you've all felt or are feeling what I feel, you don't judge me, you don't pity me, you support me, help me, care about me and give me strength, you are so precious to me.

Much love to you all, Soglad x o x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 11:58am

Hi Rev,

Sorry you are feeling yucky. Hope you feel better soon.

I’m glad you are exactly where you want to be and doing what you enjoy doing! Thanks for sharing with us where you are each time you post in. Posting here is a healthy way to get support and is helping you as well as others.Definitely a healthy resource.



Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 3:31pm

I had a revelation!

So despite my silly optimistic ways - I will confess that I have been feeling very upset and frustrated with the board changes.  I worry about everyone out there, who hasn't been able to get on to post, or who is so discouraged with all of the issues that they've about given up on even trying.  We don't even have our blurb back at the top of the board, letting people know what this board is all about!  And I went looking for it last night, and I literally went through EVERY PAGE of posts, since the beginning of the board, trying to find it, or something similar, like the guidelines that used to be here somewhere - and I couldn't find anything.  And you guys maybe have figured out by now that I am a *little* overprotective of our safe space here, and that I am super protective of all of you guys, and I was doing what I am supposed to do and going through the proper channels and they are apparently ALSO broken, and GRRRR.

And I got very discouraged, and sad about all of it.  Me - the freaking OPTIMIST - got discouraged!  It was like the world went mad for a little while!

But then, the revelation:  I am still here.  And I am not having so many of the difficulties that others are having with getting here and posting and all of that.  And I do not have to deal with the tech side of things, with having angry iVillagers outside the gates with torches and pitchforks, screaming for techie blood and demanding that they "send out the code writers!!!"

I am here.  And I will be here.  I'm not going anywhere, not raising the white flag, not giving up.  Yes, it sucks, but I can work around that.

And, I will be happy that we are still here, even with all of the glitches and issues and troubles.  I believe that this space is worth it.  You guys are worth it.




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2012
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 1:14pm

Hi Revolutionary,

I have recently had an amazing aha, lightbulb moment.

the reason I had the A and the reason I get myself into other forms of trouble in relationships, is because i have always lived on drama and adrenaline rushes.

I never knew what to do with myself in the "down" moments.  If I was alone, or if I was bored, I would conjure up some kind of something in order to "feel" something.  I always have to be "feeling," or I think that something is wrong.

so the other day it occured to me to ask my H, who is my biggest ally and supporter and is very smart in the ways of the world, "Do you always "feel" emotion during the day?"  I hope this makes sense as I'm trying to explain it to you, because it was so helpful to me.  He said, "No".  I just get up and go through my day.  I do what needs to be done, and then I go to bed at night and get up the next day and do it again.

He explained that rarely is he happy, sad, or whatever.  He is content.  He is comfortable, but he does not experience a lot of highs or lows emotionally.  He does get spikes of emotion, like when I walk into the room (lol) or if he gets a new car, when the kids were born, etc., but not on a daily basis does he have to laugh or cry or whatever.

Maybe I'm the only one, who knows, but I realized that I feel like I am depressed or something is wrong with me if I'm not experiencing strong emotion.  the truth is, that it is okay to not be overly happy, excited, or sad, or whatever.  It is normal to sit on your couch and type on the computer or watch TV, or do whatever each day, without having to feel like I need praise from someone, or to be laughing, or crying.  It is perfectly normal to not be experiencing any emotion at all.

It might sound crazy, but my past, and even the immediate past, has all been built and gauged upon my emotions and how I feel.  I get upset if someone doesn't pay attention to me.  I get upset if I have nothing to do.  I get upset if someone isn't happy that I walked the dog or cleaned the house.  But people aren't capable and don't want to be overly emotional around me, just for my reassurance.  I actually get scared if someone doesn't react, good or bad, to something I have done, because, if I can't see their emotions, I can't guage what they think of me.  I just assumed people didn't like me or didn't like what I had done because they weren't all hugs and smiles and full of compliments.

Since I have realized that, I have been able to be alone a little longer without freaking out.  I have been able to sit on the couch and watch an entire movie without feeling depressed or guilty.

and if someone does express strong emotion, if it's positive, I still enjoy it, and if it's negative, I think, well, it's not my fault.  And if it is my fault they are unhappy, they can express it to me, and we can work it out.  That way, I don't take on everyone else's lack of emotion or their negative emotions as something that is my fault.

As far as aha moments about my A, I am similar to you.  I take one moment at  a time, and I try to revel in the good ones and enjoy them.  I try to make the right decision, even when I want to give in to the bad ones, and even if I feel sad for choosing the right thing, I throw a party for myself in my head that I chose the right thing to do regardless of my sadness, and somehow, it makes me feel better, that I can look in the mirror, or walk into a store or public place with my head held high, because I am a good and decent person who makes the right decisions.  And that makes me happy!!