What don't you miss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
What don't you miss?
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 8:00pm

Here is something I have been thinking about as I try to heal my broken heart. I thought I'd throw it out there to my new support network.  My soul sisters.  What don't you miss about having an A?  I find it's easy to remember the good stuff. Maybe that is human nature. But here are things I don't miss... 

- I don't miss not being able to call or text any time I wanted.

- I don't miss carrying my phone around all day waiting for a call or a text.  How humiliating!  Really?  I deserve better. We all do!

- I don't miss how it felt knowing he was sleeping with the W.

- I don't miss how it felt having only an hour of time together, or how I never felt right after we parted and we'd "been together".

- I don't miss never being able to go out on a real date.

What about any of you?



Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 5:58am

Hi True! Thanks for raising this point, it's great to write down all the things we don't miss, because there are so many more things that we don't miss than we do miss, it reminds us how wonderful it is not to be living that decieptful, miserable, ridiculous life any more! There is a thread on Ending Your Affair Support talking about the same thing, so I will copy what I wrote on there, and add a few more besides. On typing them out I realise that much of what I think is focused on being angry and bitter at xAP, which I know is wrong, I do accept my own participation in my A, and my own responsibility for getting involved in it, and especially for allowing it to continue for so long, but I am still in this stage of feeling like I was the victim, that he preyed upon me and manipulated me, and I am working my way through this stage slowly but surely, it's taking me longer than I expected. Anyhoo .... here's what I absolutely do not miss one bit ...

I don't miss being second best.

I don't miss feeling inadequate, sub-standard, inferior.

I don't miss living in his W's shadow.

I don't miss feeling like a prostitute who worked for free, and I should add who provided complimentary food and wine.

I don't miss neglecting my children and being absent from their lives.

I don't miss lying.

I don't miss being used.

I don't miss avoiding spending any time with my H to make my xAP happy whilst he was merrily spending oodles of quality time with his W and having fantastic holidays, meals out, day trips, etc with her.

I don't miss cleaning the house from top to bottom including scrubbing skirting boards and polishing ornaments before going to work because he was coming round later because he is very particular and his W is the perfect housewife, and I was trying to be like her, and then having to explain to H why I had cleaned the house like a maniac for no apparant reason (I am not Mrs Housework, totally out of character for me)

I don't miss sneaking off so that I could send xAP amazingly articulate, funny, sexy texts and then waiting for a text back only to be told that he was going to be doing something with his W and would be leaving his phone at home so I wouldn't be hearing from him for the rest of the day.

I don't miss feeling like I was living half a life whilst he lived a life and a half.

I don't miss betraying the people who love and trust me.

I don't miss making him my priority and dropping everything for him whilst he only saw me or contacted me when it was convenient to him.

I don't miss feeling I was turning into a complete bunny boiler, ending it with him every few weeks and then getting back together with him.

I don't miss questioning my own sanity because I knew with absolute certainty that I was being lied to, but he was swearing blind he was being totally honest with me. If any of you have watched Homeland with Damien Lewis as Brody, well I felt exactly like Carrie, and she ended up having electric shock treatment because she thought she was losing her mind, and it turns out she was right all along, Brody was lying and was a terrorist. Watching that programme brings me out in a cold sweat, I can so relate to the Carrie character played by Claire Danes.

I don't miss risking everything for so little.

I don't miss being a shell of myself.

Gosh, it feels so good to write this all down again, much love Soglad x o x


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 10:29am

I don't miss feeling split in two.

I don't miss having to constantly cover my tracks and worry about being found out.

I don't miss being a slacker at work because I was busy chatting online with xap.

i don't miss paying more attention to my phone than my children.

I don't miss feeling guilty and bad about myself.

I don't miss the anxiety of limbo.

I don't miss living a life sorely lacking in integrity.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 11:45am

I don't miss living two lives, never being fully present in either, but with a foot in both, trying madly to find my balance.

I don't miss hating myself.

I don't miss walking around feeling sick all the time.

I don't miss lying to everyone, but mostly myself.




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 12:42pm

Just about everything everyone above said....

Especially this one from lulu:

I don't miss the anxiety of limbo.

Well put lulu... 'limbo' was the word of the year of my affair. Constant hanging; neither here nor there; neither with him nor my H. Waiting for a solution that would never come. Awful perpetual pit in my stomach.

I do not miss being sick to my stomach every day, slacking at work, not being present with my daughter (or anywhere with anyone doing anything), my obsessive cyberstalking, how desperate I became.

I can't think of anything I do miss, as matter of fact. As in love as I thought I was, the feelings destroyed me and nothing good came of it in the end..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2009
Fri, 11-09-2012 - 7:30pm

I don't miss .....

 feeling like a complete fake

 the unpredictability


Hugs to those of you still in the early stages. It does get better, really.


Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.       &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 3:37pm

ditto, SoGlad my thoughts EXACTLY

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14