What to do...what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
What to do...what to do?
Fri, 09-13-2013 - 2:57pm

I need some insight because I am going crazy. 

Been no contact with him for 3 months. Last 2 weeks have been miserable and missed him more than ever. I unblocked him, checked his AM profile and he reciprocated 5 minutes later and he favorited me. Then he searched me on POF and favorited me. I messaged him "Hi" and he messaged me back.

He's clearly interested though this was 4 days ago and since I haven't replied, he hasn't contacted me back again.

I still have the urge to see him, but I understand I was unhappy with him because he is dating other women, he lied to me, he ignored me, he used me when he didn't have anyone better, he never reciprocated my feelings, and he didn't even care when I started No contact. He didn't bother to search for me.

Now, I still have the urge. You'd say I'm self inflicting pain to myself, and that might the case, but I really need some insight, others perspective.

He's online daily in 4 dating sites at a time. It's hard not to bump with his profile...

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Fri, 09-13-2013 - 3:19pm
There are genuine guys out there who will be interested in only you. You deserve to be treated kindly and with respect! It sounds like this guy can't be happy with 1 girl and needs a backup plan, just in case. Move on girl, don't waste your time.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
Sun, 09-15-2013 - 5:48pm

I know, but my brain is stubborn. He is a loser (never married, in his middle forties, in 4 dating sites at a time, has issues with his mom...), but I still don't know why I'm feeling attracted to him. Is it something realted to this affair fog? Why is it I can't seem to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 12:09am

When people "settle" for less than the best, it's because they think that's the best they can do.  People stay in horrible relationships because they're afraid to be alone, and feel they're not worth anything better.  When you learn to love yourself you won't accept anything less than the best!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 2:20pm

I take it that since he is single, you must be married.

Even in the context of an affair, you deserve better!  I don't know the satisfaction level in your M, but I gather since you are here, and not on MAS, that you desire to live free of any kind of affair. 

OR, he is married and is also on OLD and you are single?????

Regardless, you clearly don't want this life any longer.  No contact is about the only way.  You keep bumping into him on-line, then reevaluate what you are doing on-line.  Unless two people work together side-by-side, there are few excuses not to go NC. 

You can do it!!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 3:13pm
This is very revealing, and very true. My self esteem is low right now, because he rejected me so much in the past. I often feel I won;t find anyone who will love me, or care for me. He never cared, but somehow I accepted to be treated as a doormat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 3:16pm
Serenity: he is single, I'm the married one. there is a thread on the second page with my story. I don;t really like how this forum is organized, I liked doccool more, but anyway... I'm no contact again, but it's still hard to forget.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 8:26pm

Please take this as the constructive challenge it is meant to be: Maybe you DON'T deserve better.  Maybe you cannot stop thinking about this loser because he IS all you deserve, or all you deserve at this moment in the shape you are currently in.

Hear me out: If you believed you deserved good things in life you would not be hung up on that kind of person. Chances are you would not be involved in affairs outside of your marriage at all if you had your head together.  Been there done that.  So maybe you are asking the wrong questions.  Instead of wondering why you cannot let this player go, ask yourself why a guy like this is all you deserve.  You have the answer to that so you may as well deal with it because it will not otherwise go away.  Now, why have you have chosen betrayal to make yourself feel better (hint: it has nothing to do with anyone but you).  Why is it more important to choose chaos than it is to seek peace, to self-destruct instead of constructing a better life?  Why do you imagine it is up to any one else on this planet to 1) make 2) you 3) happy?

What will it take to help you move in the exact opposite direction you are currently heading?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
Sun, 10-13-2013 - 4:32pm

Dear all, I'd like to thank you so much for all your comments. when I'm feeling down and weak, I come here and read you all, and I feel a little better.

Unfortunately, I chose the pattern of destruction again. I met him on 9/25 and it was very destructing. I'm not going into details, but that meeting had nothing to do with love, or care, or anything that makes a human being feel human. It was horrible.

After that, he got mad at me for a silly thing, he told me we could be friends, but the sex part was over for him with me. I told him I was blocking him from my life, that I could never be friends with him, and so I did. Blocked from every point of connection. I'm not worried about him contacting me, he had no interest whatsoever. I've been no contact so mant times with him, I just lost track. But his time was different because I told him I was never going to contact him again, and I specified I was blocking him.

Three weeks have passed now and my marriage is breaking into pieces. there's nothing more to talk about, we are both alienated. He loves me, I can't love him anymore. much things had been said, I cannot forget.

I guess things happen with a purpose. I don;t know what I'm gonna do next, I feel broken today, because my marriage is over, and I'm missing the wrong person, the person who laught at me, who lied to me, who never cared...

I hope tomorrow will be better. Thank you for reading

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 12:53pm

Hi Forget,

It's been a few months - where do things stand with you?