Why can't I do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Why can't I do this?
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 12:31am

Ok gals...I have not yet deleted old voice mails and text messages from xAP. I try not to read or listen to them but can't make mysef hit delete. Is this normal? And what do I do with the beautiful clothes and jewelry? Some with tags still on. I like them and don't want to get rid if them. My bigger issue is the voice mails and texts though.  did any if you have this problem? What did you do?

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 8:47am

Well True, I didn't have any momentos to dispose of because over the course of a 2 year relationship my xAP gave me sweet FA, another example of how much ... i.e. how little I really meant to him. All I had was my phone, and I threw that away the day after I ended my A, and got a new phone, so that he would have no way of contacting me again. And I have to say it was extremely liberating freeing myself from that connection with him, and such a relief, it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

I do know that others have struggled with getting rid of keepsakes, and they will be along soon with their advice of how they went about it. I know that Daisy and Sunny actually made a pact and disposed of some keepsakes at the same time .... strength in numbersLaughing But my advice is to just delete the voice messages and texts, these things will only cause you more distress and have a negative impact on your healing, they are of no benefit to you, so just do it, don't hang on to them, you will only be delaying the inevitable and prolonging the agony. The nice clothes and jewellery is a bit more tricky, especially considering that you like them. My own way of dealing with them would be to give them to charity, but I would find it hard to give away things I like, I do think that would be for the best though as they will be constant reminders of him.

Much love, Soglad x o x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 12:04pm

Hi, True Survivor.

I haven't got rid of every memento... I am doing it gradually, I guess. A few days ago I found last year's Christmas card full of promises and mentioning how one of the presents he was giving me was for my D... I threw it away without looking. I also deleted him from Google +, from FB, from my phone, and I deleted all his e-mails. There are only 3 things  left at this point: 1. some pictures in a cloud drive. 2. some pictures in my e-mail account 3. the hardest one to get rid of: a fake character we created on FB and through which we would communicate in hilarious ways. Number 3 is hard, I think, because I don't want to look at that account and find that maybe he's unfriended our character already. I know at this point it might hurt, so I figured I'll do it when I'm sure I won't care.However, I know myself well. One of these days I'll wake up and delet everything without giving it a second thought, like I've done with everything else.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2008
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 12:38pm
I can't do it either. I think it best to just put everything in a box, seal it up, and hide it somewhere where its too hard to get to easily and not something I have to see. I know i did this years ago from a love I had and now looking back at the memories makes me feel good. I havent deleted the texts/emails yet because i am still hurting too and at times angry. I think, if his W tries to say i made all this up and to leave him alone, i will be able to say, HOLD ON CHARLIE...LOOK, I didnt make crap up. he was right there being wrong too. I wish I could find a way to dump them into an email to burn a copy for the box of memories. I have over a years worth saved now, which i know drives him totally insane that i do.