why do i still cry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
why do i still cry?
22
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 2:36pm

I probably cry at least a little bit every day. Some days, a real good sob fest, if I can get a moment alone. I wonder why this is. I am doing very well, back to my life, happy with my family and never want the misery of that A again. But I can still cry for it/him so easily. It only takes the first few notes of a song, or a scene in a show/movie/book, driving alone anywhere in the car … and I want to cry. Too easily. I have called it my ‘cry button’ – all I have to do is think of him, and it happens. I am 11 months out of the A, we are total NC. Is this normal? When will it stop being still such a fresh and raw feeling when I think of him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 3:46pm
I've cried everyday since november, everyday (except when I was on my road trip with my kids) heck..I even feel like crying now.

I think it is prefectly normal because you are going through a loss. You can't just unthink and uncare about someone. You can't extract them from your heart that easily.
Hugs to you..I know the pain
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 4:33pm
I still cry too miss. It is just part of the journey. And I really wish I was not a county music fan. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 4:49pm
Omg country music is the worst!!! I wish I wasn't a fan either :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 5:11pm
Thank you both for chiming in... I feel good about where I am, but then I have these low lows and I wonder if I am giving myself too much credit and if I am not as far along as I think I am. But, I suppose it is part of the journey and I shouldn't be hard on myself. It is just frustrating, like if I am doing well, then what the heck are these totally vulnerable sad episodes?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2009
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 6:17pm

Because we're a bunch of girls with

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:05pm
OMG, Mia.

Trust you to find the bright side to being a cry baby girl. LMAO

And Miss? Honey? Baby? Sweetie?

You got some super-fun hormones going on too, dontcha?

So I'm going to go with "TOTALLY NORMAL" for my answer. :)

Hugs,

Kim


    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:15pm
yeah well i guess i am sorta 8 months preggo :) and i suppose i went from A to rebound A to positive test without any "normal" in between...fine :) but i still think id be upset and i don't want to blame hormones.

however in just a few weeks i shall be quite occupied with baby. he's due just days after my one year ending. doubt that will be on my mind:) Im a tad bit afraid of being alone though with my emotions while on maternity leave after the initial week or two though when things settle and hoping i dont become all sorts of needy and vulnerable. my plans are lots of walks and exercise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:19pm
thanks mia ... today i began to let it out full force when H walked in the door from being out. i hid in the bathroom! it kinda squelched it for that moment. i don't get a lot of private time because we both work from home at the moment so it's a lot of hidden sobs and sometimes late night cries. H doesn't really sleep in the bedroom so i am kinda on my own there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:20pm
btw, to anyone reading...the baby is 100% my Hs! :)
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:26pm
Yes, you'd still be upset honey.

I mean - you've been trying to run from the pain for a long while now, right? And now that you've stopped trying to run away from it, it's all catching up with you. And yeah, it sucks - I know.

But there is an end to it, I promise. Let it out when you can - feel what you feel, and face it (as much as you're able to) in the moment, and just...let the storm pass. It will pass, Miss. And as you grow and develop healthier coping habits, you'll find that it will pass faster each time, and then at some point, it'll stop being a storm at all.

You know the dangers that are lurking - and you're making a plan to deal with them ahead of time. And you have us - just waiting to talk you out of things. :)

If you do get needy and vulnerable - then we're here, and we'll serve as your safe harbor.

Hugs,

Kim

    

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