Will I ever be enough?
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|Wed, 02-01-2012 - 7:48pm|
I have been struggling with this since I broke with BF. I have been asking myself, why wasn't I enough for him to want to be with me and get divorced? Is there anything I could have done to have changed this? Why is that it has never worked out with the men that I have loved? There has only been 3, including BF. Why is that I have never been enough for any of them? What is it about me that isn't deserving of being loved completely?
I was just reading a response from Kim under "How do I get past comparing". This part of her response just hit my like a ton a bricks: I think I had to settle in to the idea that it's okay to be enough in my own mind, and that I am the one who can best define what that "enough" really is. Letting other people define whether or not I am enough...well, I've done that before, and funny, even when they said I was, I was never able to truly believe it. So it was a losing battle, from the start.
I wish I could get to that point in my life that I could just accept the fact that I am enough for me. Will I ever get to that point? If I ever get involved with anyone else, will I be able to know it and accept them for their word? Will I ever win the battle? Will I ever allow myself again to be with someone without these thoughts running through my mind? Right now, because of my past relationships, I feel that I am meant to be alone forever because I will never be enough for that one person. Even to accept myself as being enough within myself. Am I broken for good?