The worst, first...

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
The worst, first...
16
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:08am

anxiety girl.jpg

    

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:53am

I LOVE THIS !!!

Okay. Yes..I can visualize the worst..but I think most of the time? I can recognize the difference between my healthier critical thinking and my emotional thinking..and strike a decent balance between the two. Okay..most of the time in work-type situations. Obviously..in RL I didn't do this well at all

. In the A aftermath? I have been full force emotional thinking (and definately in the worst case scenarios) Finding myself here this morning actually.

So...Hmm..worst case?

xAP has not and will not give me one aota of an afterthought since he hung up on me 3 weeks ago. As in he has completely forgotten me..it is as if I never existed..and I made no impact on his life what-so-ever.Even worse..he is e-n-j-o-y-i-n-g life with his latest OW or OW's..and will never grow. (I know..not my responsibility..but I did invest quite a bit of time genuinely caring about the guy..can't pretend I didn't) As in..if my name were to come up in coversation with mutual friends he would genuinely draw a blank and be like "Breeze..who?"

While, I , on the other hand..may never stop hurting or feeling numb. (This is worst case in my imagination..is it realistic..who knows? probably not)

I used to think this bothered me because I was being competitive..and that's a little bit of it. But the reality is that he has made such a profound impact in my life (true..not so positive..but profound, nonetheless) to think I'm not even a passing thought in his?

Really hurts.

Let's face it. Rejection just plain sucks. ...even if you're rejected by Godzilla. But to be forgotten..or to have never existed? That's just..wow. Unimaginable. (except..obviously..in my active imagination!)

Okay. On further reflection? Maybe what is really the worst..more realistically. Is that I won't quit being the victim. ( you know..in my mind) Because..ugh..I'm not. I KNOW this..after all..everyone is victimized at times. It is part of life. But being a victim is a whole 'nother thing. What if I let myself get wrapped up in the false thinking that I am a victim. To live my life as a victim. I guess that is really the most frightening, worse case scenario of all...for me, anyway.

Oh Shoot. I just realized I spent most of this post answering a ? you dind't ask. I was thinking you asked what we imagined the worst to be...uhm..yeah..that's that overacive imagination again. Sorry.

How do I reframe? Usually. I imagine the worst and say..okay. So it happens..then what? And I'm fine. After all..the earth is still spinning. So with this? I imagine this happening..and the earth stops spinning! And xAP really IS Godzilla. Because if I don't get silly in my head?..to keep it in perspective? I might not remember that in the overall scheme of things in the world. I am just one of millions of people affected by the after-math of an affair. That all in all? Life is not fair, and it is strongly tiltled in my favor.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 11:23am
I totally jump to the worst, first with respect to xAP. I guess it is a defence mechanism.

Not so much for everything else though. In general I am fairly positive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 11:49am

I AM anxiety girl. Been treated for anxiety for years and years. I don't know HOW to reframe. Interestingly I did not leap to the worst conclusions in the A situations. I was using it as an anxiety remedy and while I was anxious and upset throughout, it was because I was afraid to lose my fantasy world. I was so fogged up and looking for escape that I drew conclusions that were completely ridiculous and made myself believe he wanted me so much more than he let on. Actions speak louder than words, but my twisted fantasies spoke much louder than his actions.

In other areas of life yes I am very anxious and jump to the worst scenarios first. ("I am throwing a party. It will rain that day. Or no one will RSVP." "I am driving somewhere new today- I will get lost!" "I have a job interview. I will choke and appear nervous and awkward!")

Hmm to reframe, how about remembering all the times I threw a fabulous party, made it to my destination without a wrong turn, aced an interview. I try and do that but it is SO HARD when faced with these situations anew. I am one of the more anxious people around...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 12:15pm

Ah, Kim.

If I didn't know better, I'd think that this post was specifically directed to me and that you think I'm damaged and dark and negative, and so you are trying to point out my flaws.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 1:06pm

Honestly,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 1:49pm
This WAS me. At all times. Always thought the worst, thought people thought the worst of me. Well, 1 very explosive d-day will cure you of that. My d-day was so public and so scandalous, that I learned to grow a thick skin and start to work on what I think of me. Of course I care about what my kids think, and my dad and sisters. And those are the people who have stood beside me through this whole thing. So now, no more anxiety, the worst has already happened to me and I am here, with my children, watching them become amazing people. For the first time in my life I can be alone with myself and feel ok. Maybe that is my lesson learned from the A. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2012
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 5:18pm

That was me too! occasionally, for an hour or so, it still is on occasion but I can stop it now usually. I found a quote about this a few weeks ago......If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present......Lao Tzu. I really like that quote and when I feel anxious I read it and bring myself back to the present. Then I whack the daylights out of golfballs at the driving range. That really helps anxiety. If it is just a bit too much I get some extra help from Bach's Rescue Remedy. BTW my cats get that when they go to the vet. Todays anxiety relief was shaking all the snow off my liliacs, cherry trees and whatever that pink tree with the pretty flowers is. Crab apple maybe??? I also made a happiness book with pictures that make me smile and articles on happiness. That helps too. Bye bye anxiety!

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:18am
RB -

I love your answer to the question I didn't ask. :)

And your reframing technique is AWESOME.

Love,

Kim

    

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:18am
Rainie baby,

Defense against what?

Curious, as always...

Kim

    

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:21am
Miss -

Does being Anxiety Girl at least come with a cool superhero outfit? Does it come with a cape? Man, I hope it at least comes with a cape. :)

So, you do know how to reframe (remembering all the times it all went well) - but in the heat of the moment, you lost that ability, yes?

Do you do the stop for a second, take some deep breaths, and try to give yourself a minute to let the reframing happen? Or does that not happen until after whatever the thing is that is causing you to be so anxious?

xoxoxo

Kim

    

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