Am I crazy to think I can have my cake....?
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|Sat, 06-01-2013 - 2:20am|
First off -- my apologies. I am clueless to all of the abbreviations that seem to be the norm on here....and I do not know where to find the secret code!
I began communicating with an old fling a couple of months ago -- almost 25 years ago, from college. The texting and conversations got ridiculously hot. He is a 90 minute flight away, and I saw him two weeks ago. It was great. Really great. More of an emotional connection than I anticipated -- we talked for hours and hours, and the sex was fantastic...as I knew it would be.
We text regularly. He is encouraging me to think about my life in ways I haven't pondered since we were friends when we were kids. He has me reading books on Zen and meditation, and I am trying to carve out rare moments for myself to explore meditation. He asks difficult questions, is patient when I am afraid to answer, and listens when I do.
Am I happy in my marriage? Obviously not. But, I do have a level of comfort financially and a role in my community that I don't think I can give up. And to further complicate matters we are on the verge of opening a business and my husband is resigning from his salaried position to run this new venture.
I feel like I can manage this. That I can have both. Obviously I cannot see my fling very often...hard to make excuses to fly out of town. But I feel that he is giving me something that I really need right now. He is helping me to remember "me". The friendship in and of itself is illicit -- I know....but I have a level of honesty with him (yea, I know it is ludicrious...after almost 25 years) that I don't have with anyone else. I guess I don't have anything to lose with him and I don't have to pretend. I do worry that I could easily fall in love with him...but think the geographic distance will help to maintain an emotional balance.
So -- is it possible? Can I juggle this? I appreciate insight and feedback. :-)