Contacting the OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2012
Contacting the OW
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 7:13pm

Have had

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 9:26pm
I think we are a mixed bag. But I am one that did contact the other woman for the exact reason you are wanting to. I wanted her side, I wanted to hear her story. I did so via email. I made sure to be very matter of fact. I wrote no emotion into what I asked, I did not share how I felt for her at that point. I needed her, I needed her for information. Its messed up that in an affair we have to rely on partner and maybe affair partner for answers. The two people who we know are capable of lying and getting away with it. We also have o rely on out intuition. Its the only thing we can count on.It is a double edge sword. I will say now, looking back, that her answers hurt, they hurt and they made me angry, but I do not regret I did it. I first emailed her and asked her if she would tell me what happened. I waited for her reply. I got lucky. I don't know what her motivation for answering me was. She was also very matter of fact. but I got what I needed from her.

It's a very personal choice that has lots of factors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 10:34pm
As a previous other woman, my guess on the OWs reason for replying was she was tired of hiding and lying and it gave her a sense of release, right or wrong. Plus the guilt arose to the surface when the affair was caught. Had my affair been caught, I probably would have also replied, had the W emailed me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 12:33am
I am the OW that told the BS of our affair. I was basically dared by my xAP to do it. I was open and honest. She asked many questions and I answered them honestly. She was devastated. After talking to me and then confronting her H, he lied about everything I said and then she hated me ( rightfully so no matter what) and believed everything her husband said, even though it was their 3rd d-day. I am so thankful I am out and working on me and why I crossed that line. Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 9:41am

I'd be very careful of your motivations.