In desperate need of advice and help
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|Fri, 03-15-2013 - 6:08am|
I am writing for some advice-not judgment-on the most significant relationship of my life. If anyone can help or offer advice, please do so. A bit of my story...
When I was in university I met the most wonderful man and we dated for many years. We both came from the same small Southern community. Sometimes we would break-up, but always found our way back to each other. He is to me what some would call a soulmate. We were utterly passionate about one another, had amazing times together, but also equally problematic ones as well. After that time, I left town for work and he went to another town for a job. We retained contact for another three years. After this point, we only maintained contact through the phone and email. I never stopped loving or wanting to be with him.
Fast forwarding to today, which is over 20 years later, we are once again in constant contact each day (this happens frequently via email now and again). We are both in newer marriages (both less than 5 years), however we both acknowledge our love for one another and that it will never end. This is the first time in years that we have really communicated our feelings beyond flirting. We have seen each other and the passion and love is still there. IDK if this is a full blown affair, I suppose that depends on how one defines "affair," but I am certain of my feelings for him and that I don't want to hurt anyone. I want, however, to spend my life with this person. He is not in a position currently to leave his marriage and does love his wife, though problems exist in his relationship. Neither of us has children. What I truly want is to be with him. I can't get over him no matter what I have tried. I am in so much pain, but I do not want to cut off ties with him as I hope in my heart of hearts that we will be together. I understand that people will get hurt if he and I are together-I am not blind to this. Without him I feel like I am just existing; something many other posters have also commented on. I just want to be happy and be with him.
I have two questions that might seem to contradict one another. Is there anyway to be with this man? Are there any tips that have worked for any of you to get over someone you have loved for this length of time? I am certain I'd love to be with him, but realistic as well. Please avoid judging here. The situation is painful enough. I understand the morality and ethical side of this-I just want some help/advice and while I don't typically reach out like this, I hope to find someone here who can shed some light on this situation.