Do you tell your friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2013
Do you tell your friends?
4
Sat, 03-02-2013 - 10:39pm

So who tells their friends about their affair?  I'm not able to tell my friends b/c they have always said that they will tell a friend's husband if they know they are cheating.  They also take my H's side quickly even though they don't know him as well as they think they do.  He is a completely different person around my friends so I never complain about him to them.  They think our marriage is perfect but it's far from it.  

So the main question for everyone is.....Have you told your friends?  Can you trust them?  Will your feelings be hurt by their opinion?  Of course most people have morals they live up to.  I feel like I have none when I compare myself to them just b/c I'm having an A.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 03-03-2013 - 4:56pm

 Never,ever tell your friends.  It is none of their business.  They are not you nor are they living your life.  Enjoy your A and have fun.  But remember what an A really is: FUN.   Do not dream of some new "relationship" or that your in"love".  While A is emotional keep your feet on the ground.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Wed, 03-06-2013 - 1:02pm

What Xxxs fails to mention is that this 'fun' you are having will cost you and everyone you love dearly. It is destructive and no good will come of it. I did not tell a single soul because I was ashamed yet did not want to be talked out of it. Of course that meant I had no one to turn to when I attempted to get out of the bad situation I created for my self.

New rule of thumb: if I cannot tell others about it, I do not do it. Only shame comes from shameful behavior.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 03-06-2013 - 5:40pm

  Nymann63 has a point.  One must think of the end game.  I repeat affairs are not to have a "relationship" as in a romantic, living ever after scenario.  They may evolve into friendships.  Some cultures have rules of behavior which have been formed over millennium of practical experience.  There are tactics that are highly effective.   Is their a cost?  Of course.  Everything has a cost.   The people who are able to have affairs successfully have their brains and emotions working together.  There are many good reasons for having an affair.  One important part is bold ruthlessness.  Lying is where the problems start.  Never lie.  To any participant one must be truthful but tactful.  These require superior skills.  You must be in and of yourself whole.  

       An affair can be fun and bring a sense of joy and life to a person.  But to a weak person it is not for them until they reach a center of themselves.   An"Affair"/ dating multiple guys etc requires inner strength. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 1:07am

It can be so enticing to tell someone else about the excitement and mixture of feelings you are having in a new affair.  Problem is, you really can't trust anybody!  If you are looking for support, or have questions, maybe a better approach would be to post on the MAS (My Affair Support) page.  You may find what you are looking for there.