Facebook Stalker??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Facebook Stalker??
5
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 12:33am

About 3 days ago, I conducted what I believed at the time to be the silliest, most immature "experiment" I could imagine, but i did it out of sheer curiosity anyway (and i was bored). After having my crush heavily on my mind and suspecting him of looking at my FB profile/pictures for various reasons (even though we are both married but are 15-year friends, not FB friends though), I publicly posted that I needed some things around the house and that I would be going to Walmart. I knew he was off work that day, too. So, as I said I would, I pulled into the Walmart parking lot, and lo and behold, he was there. I found him in the pet section, where he lingered for quite some time as I shopped on surrounding aisles. There was little else but pet food in the basket. We finally ran into each other, he said hello, I made sure to smile.... He looked so uncertain though, as if he wasn't sure of something. After that, he went to check out. My sister agreed it was odd to go to Walmart when there was a Winn Dixie literally less than a mile away and to just so have happened to go at the very same time. What are the odds?? Better than I think? Or was he looking for a chance to run into me? It would make sense for him to stay in one place to run into me rather than us both walking circles around the store lol! We have been playing a cat and mouse game on and off for about 2 years now....it's getting so frustrating! I also suspect him of looking at my record, him being a cop gives him access to that info, and he has made a joking comment before about how fast I drive ;) He thought it was hilarious...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 12:54pm

What was the end game for this experiment? Is your intent to feel him out for the purpose of an A? You say that you are bored....well if you continue on this path and your H finds out then your life will no longer be boring. You are putting yourself on a rather slipery slope that has the capability of destroying your M. Do you relly want to do that? If M no longer interests you then tell H and D. Thank long and hard about what you are doing because once you cross the line then it can no longer be undone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 6:21pm

Why did you suspect that he has been looking at your FB page? And did you bring this story to this board because you want to have an affair with him?

It seems that you were correct, he has been reading your FB and knew where you were going. You cast a lure, and he bit. Somehow, I suspect that you knew he would see your message and interpret it to mean "meet me there". The real question is what are you hoping to achieve? Why are you playing "a cat and mouse game" with him for 2 years? He is probably wondering the same thing. If its just for a little excitement or to feed your ego, if you are just teasing him (with no intention of taking it all the way) because you're bored or whatever, remember that there's somebody else's head being messed with. Just be careful to treat him how you would want to be treated.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Sun, 06-16-2013 - 9:03am

By bored I meant just for that day, not all the time. I had too much time to think. I had wondered about him looking at my page because a little over a year ago I got scared and told him not to speak to me, that I was thinking about him too much, and I was really sorry. He unfriendlhome about 4 weeks later, I figured because I deserved it and what was the point anyway?? No matter he had almost 300 friends, I, in particular, needed to be removed....ok. So, I accepted that and was fine for about 6 months, then he started weighing on my mind again. I finally got the courage to stop him and apologize for being rude and figured there was a better way than to do what I had done, but his reply was, "It wasn't your fault." Huh?? I didn't have as much courage as I thought because that response immediately triggered a red flag, and I said I was glad I got the chance to let him know I was sorry, and I walked away with sweaty palms. Fast forward to a few days ago, and I noticed his wife (with whom I have remained FB friends but don't really chat or like anything) was getting online a few times during morning hours when she was at work and I knew he was off. She, being a nurse practitioner, seems to not have many opportunities to be on FB, given the busy nature of her work. So, I thought maybe he was using her profile to check out mine?? It seemed to be far-fetched, but I decided to test the theory and by an amazing coincidence or not, he was there. Again, he could have gone to a grocery store literally around the corner from his house, but he drove the few miles more to Walmart instead. I kept thinking, no way this actually panned out.....had to be a coincidence....I'm always in the business of doubting and second guessing. As I said before, I have known him for 15 years now. He, my now husband, and I all played the same instrument in high school band, and this guy and I always enjoyed each other's company and were always cracking up one another; however, he is very passive and is so in this situation still. I am not normally. The cat and mouse stuff has got me into a more passive state though, because I do not have experience in this and don't know what he is thinking. I personally believe he goes from wanting to talk and be around me to backing off and getting nervous. We barely spoke for almost a year, and he is the one who broke the ice. I could not. So, in essence, I am not toying with him because I am bored; rather, we are both being too passive and uncertain about what the other is thinking. We are clearly attracted to each other and have always enjoyed being around one another. My husband and I got married when I was 18, he was 19, and I have changed a lot since those 11 years ago and growing up (I use that term loosely because I don't feel very adult right now!). So, basically this is where I am....I would not be the stronger aggressor here, and I doubt he would either (although he is a cop...seems he would be better at this haha!). Just not sure what to do, but at this point it's more frustrating than ever trying to analyze it and what I should do here or there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2013
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 1:33pm

I was originally going to say, before I read your follow-up post, that this sounds incredibly immature.  Now, after reading that you've been with your H since high school, it just doesn't sound incredibly immature, it IS incredibly immature.  These are the same ridiculous games that inexperienced kids play ("Is he paying attention to me?  I'll do this test!  There, he fell for it!  Or was it a coincidence?  I'm sooooo confused!").  Why don't you both stop playing juvenile games and talk to each other?  If you value your M, just unfriend his wife and leave it all alone.  If you don't want your M, then talk to your H and get a D.  It really is that simple, unless you want to ruin lives.  Then, please, carry on with your silly games and don't be surprised when everyone around you gets hurt.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 2:40pm

Sorry, but I do think you have a lot more growing up to do.  Maybe you married too young and didn't get all the attention you might have had as a young single woman, but that is the situation you find yourself in.

Do yourself a favor and find more selfless ways to fill your days.  If you don't have children, get an additional part-time job or start volunteering with people who have more challenging things on their mind than whether the cute guy from band 11 years ago is really flirting with you - like, say, people who are victims of domestic violence or people who don't have enough to eat.  It will change your perspective on how you spend your time and make you realize just how ridiculous it is to set little traps to meet someone at Walmart and then dither about whether he likes you.  I'm afraid Solarcycle is right, your behavior is incredibly immature.