Flirting with a man who's also in a relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Flirting with a man who's also in a relationship
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 6:14pm

I'm at the end of the relationship with my husband and it's partly due to the feelings I've been having about another man, feelings that I had for a while and that I thought had disappeared. I've known for a while that my hubby and I are not the best match. We differ on some really big issues, and we never discussed them before marriage. We've had talks about divorce and we were going to go through with it, unitl he said he'd change everything to help our rel. I accepted this, because, prior to this, he'd always blamed me for everything that went wrong. So after that talk, I was fine, me and my hubby were getting along, and I had accepted my 'friend' as a friend only (which is what we are currently). But lately, I noticed my emotions towards my 'friend' have changed and are very strong. I've acted rather impulsively - I asked him if he could meet up with me after work one day - he was too 'pooped'. Then the next night, I sent him a photo of me all dressed up (I looked good) for my x-mas party. He didn't respond to the photo - and now I don't know what to do. I asked him what he felt about me sending him this photo of me, but he didn't respond (via text).

ugh! what am I doing!! this is torture and I feel embarrassed. My 'friend' had a gf, but he has also been flirtatious with me. I guess the real problem is is that i really want him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Well forget this friend--he's showing you he's not interested in you.  So now you have to decide whether you wantto work things out w/ your DH or not, but you should make that decision comparing your life w/ DH to being alone.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  It is up to you to fish or cut bait.  make your interest known but be very clear on what you want.  if you are looking for a lover a FWB then that is realistic.  If you are looking for a grand romance not so good. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

It sounds like your friend just wanted to flirt for fun, not take it to the next level. Since you are both in relationships he might have thought it was a safe game. The fact that he declined your invitation to meet up, and then didn't respond to the picture or your follow up question seems to say that he does not want to pursue more than an innocent flirtation. If you continue to push it he may stop being your friend completely.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997

A man will NEVER say he is "pooped" in response to an invitation from someone he wants to go out with.  Assume that you misread the signals and back off.  He may have enjoyed flirting with you but he clearly doesn't want to take it any further.  Spare yourself more embarrassment.

You should figure out the relationship with your husband separately.  That has nothing to do with this other man.