Gave up on Sexless Marriage and all ideas of love until...
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|Sat, 07-19-2014 - 9:27pm|
So I got to the point in my life where I stopped caring about love, was very excited about my job, so much so that I would actually get an orgasmic feeling about work. I still love it, the work is challenging and I'm learning that I am so much more intelligent than I ever thought I was. The team with the exception of our sometimes mean skip level manager is great! Everyone shares their knowledge and intelligence with each other so you are constantly changing and growing.
Then a new guy started. I had talked to him over IM for business purposes but had never met him in person. Got introduced in the break room and barely looked at him. Was in a bit of a hurry. Then he came over to my desk and offered me a clorox wipe for my desk. He startled me and when I turned around, lord help me I saw how gorgeous he was! Took me by surprise. i don't think it showed but damn I thought he is handsome! then he leaned in close to me, too close, to discuss something on my computer, made me a little nervous and flattered.
Nothing happens really for several weeks, except each time I ran into him at the office he would have his eyes straight on me, give me this great big smile and stand as close to me as possible. He even put his hand on my back in a flirtatious way. Hmmm... Ok. this man is hitting on me. Last week we were leaving work at the same time so we walked out together. Then we stood talking at the elevator for like 15 to 20 mins. Then he asked me to go to lunch with him the next week. That day I texted him on IM and asked if we were still on for lunch and he said and I quote, "Heck Yeah!". We walked over to Chick Fil A and as I'm getting my order he touches my elbow. Another flirtatious move. He's smiling confident, and complimentary. Tells me I look good and don't need to lose weight, that his last girlfriend was tall like me etc.. I'm 5'10" 170 very strong west african genes, solid like Serena Williams. I almost feel like I'm on a date, as he leaves it up to me the woman to decide where we will eat and just all this shit that I need a man to do for me, emotionally. What am I to think of this?? Then the blow comes, he is 17 years younger than me. Wow, he doesn't look or act like it. Thought he was mid to early 30's, not 25, geez. Totally against my principals! But i can't stop thinking about this man!
I didn't ask for this, I wasn't wanting this, I was ok with no love or friendship.
So the next night I'm online and I see he is online so I text him and we talk for like 30 mins. He tells me that he could tell that I am a strong woman and all kinds of nice stuff like that. Also says he has always gotten along better with older people, and feels like he is 40. Then he says and I quote "Sometimes I feel like days pass by without significance. Work significance yes, feeling alive significance no." I didn't really respond to that i guess i should have, what did he mean? What was he trying to open up to me? I was scared to ask too much, to take up his time, to assume that "we like each other". I never mentioned I was married, but he did tell me he had a girlfriend. I guess maybe he must have found out that I am because I had asked him if he wanted to take a break the next day with me and he said yes. But he never texted me to ask. I was afraid to be pushy to make the next move again. So far i haven't had to do any work he gives me everything i ever wanted in a date, a man, a potential relationship. I don't want to over assume that his kind words and flirtatious moves are him wanting me, I am telling myself that it is just part of his personality. But I'm 42 years old, i know when a man is hitting on me! Now i think he may have re-thought the idea of doing anything with me, I mean I put it out of my head because of the professional aspect and the fact that I don't want to jeopardize either of our reputations.
My 14 year marriage is over. it has been sexless since day 1 but somehow 2 boys came out of it and that is the ONLY REASON i am still in it. We have not had sex in 7 years. And I don't plan on ever having sex with him again. We are roommate, parents raising our kids together and that is it.
Should I just leave this young man alone? I'm feeling weirdly rejected, but over what? Nothing has happened or been said. he just sparked a dead flame in me and now i can't put out the fire.