H had an affair and then I had an affair...along came 2 children

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
H had an affair and then I had an affair...along came 2 children
Sun, 07-01-2012 - 12:23am
My H had an affair on the go for about 7 months before I found out. I was livid and so very hurt. He said he couldn't live without me and he was so sorry for what he had done and asked for time to end the relationship he formed(this particular ap was a battered wife). H played on my good heart and continued speaking to ap. I eventually got pissed and said enough was enough, he needed to stop speaking to her. In the mean time I had met someone about 2 weeks after I had found out about h's affair and we shared a few drinks and ended up sleeping together. It was amazing and I enjoyed the physical act but felt extreme guilt. See my h had cut me off from sex for quite some time. I continued my A enjoying the attention, the desire for me, the pillow talk etc...this made me feel special and wanted after my H made me feel so horrible about myself. My H has said he ended his A for approx four months then it rekindled and they had sex twice then H ended it again only to be contacted by AP 3 months later saying she was pregnant and it was his. He found out she was pregnant 1 week before i found out i was pregnant. See this is where things get difficult....I knew I was pregnant by my AP. As soon as my AP finds out I'm pregnant everything changes, my AP doesn't text as much or call as much or see me as much.
There are 2 kids just over 2 months apart. My H's AP had a DNA test done and he's the father of the child. I know I don't need a DNA test for my child....my AP has met my child several times and says he adores her bur has done nothing for her and seems to not want to admit she's his. Suddenly last week he tells me that he and his W and daughter are moving to France as his W got a transfer. My AP's W knows he slept with me once(there was plenty of other times) he told her I was an escort whom he paid once for sex. Then a year later my AP's W and daughter find texts from me and he tells W we remained just friends and promises never to speak to me again. I lnow he doesnt want to leave his situation nor do i want him to. He texts and calls even less now and we haven't had sex in about 8 months. Is this all a hoax about moving to get rid of me and make it so his w never finds out about the child we share? I don't want to hurt anyone but most of all I want my daughter to know who her father is down the road and I want my AP to admit she's his and take ownership on doing things for her(he's a wealthier person then I am and I'm pretty sure he could quite easily tuck some $ away for our child's education as I won't be able to do much for her) there's been offers but no action.). Ive been tossed aside by my AP and it hurts but I'm sure with time I'll get over it but my main concern is the little girl we share. Having a child together in secret makes ending the A hard to do because I will forever be connected to my AP by our child. What do I do in this case, how do I get over it, how do I move on, how do I have my little girl possibly never have contact with her father.. I think she deserves more then what she's getting out of this situation....I'm so confused, I know I've made a mess out of everything and I know it's just desserts....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Re: H had an affair and then I had an affair...along came 2 chil
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 10:46am
I'm sorry you are feeling attacked, but Sunny is right. This is more of a debate board than a support board. One of the affair support boards would probably be a better fit for you.

After Your Affair: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/After-Your-Affair/ct-p/iv-rlpostaffair
Ending an Affair: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/EAS/ct-p/iv-rlending

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Re: H had an affair and then I had an affair...along came 2 chil
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 9:13pm
I must admit that's a very unusual set of circumstances with a fateful upside (children when none was thought possible). And given you both strayed perhaps you can use this opportunity to have a happy family.