Happy in my affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2013
Happy in my affair
14
Sun, 06-16-2013 - 12:16pm

Over a year ago I started sleeping with my "boss", we were friends before I went to work for him.  I am 48 and my AP is 67, he is the best sex I have ever had.  I know his wife and she has many issues, I know first hand how dysfunctional things are in their relationship.  As for my marriage, I have no complaints except that I don't get enough sex from my husband, my AP gets next to none at all in his.

Both my AP and I are very happy with things the way they are, I have no intention to leave my husband, he has no intention to leave his wife.

When he and I are together the sparks fly, sex with my AP is the BEST I have ever had - very steamy, passionate and rewarding emotionally and physically.  We get together, work, find time for play and then we go back to our respectve spouses feeling satisfied.

My AP and I get exactly what we want out of our affair and love the fact that we both have our cake and eat it too! 

 

 

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 10:52am

You know, I really detest that expression "have my cake and eat it too."  First of all, what's the point of having a cake if you don't get to eat it?  Second, wouldn't that expression be more appropriate if it were describing a rich, fulfilling marriage - woudn't *that* be having your cake (marriage) and eating it too (passion)?  Third, it reeks of smugness and "I'm getting away with something, woo-hoo!"

Anyway, semantics aside, it sounds like you have found something that works and in which hopefully nobody gets hurt.  In a perfect world, no one would find that necessary or think it's the best solution, but we don't live in a perfect world.  I hope none of you do get hurt.

Not sure I have anythign to say besides that.  Doesn't seem like anyone else does either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 3:01am

Never in a million years will I understand the lack of guilt ( let alone the "gloating" aspect ) of two people involved in an affair. I could never do it. My husband on the other hand could...and did. That was two years ago and we are still picking up the pieces. I am sure he told her I had "issues". If I didnt then, I sure did after the two of them got done with me. I am also sure he told her we had a non-existent sex life...nothing could have been further from the truth.  He told me he saw her at the store the other day. I asked him "what he felt"? His exact words were " sick to my stomach. It was like when you eat to much of something you thought you really wanted and then felt sick afterwards. You realize you really didnt like it and now you hate it". He " said he didnt blame her, it was his mistake but now he feels like he hates her because she is a reminder of when he was at his lowest as a human being and husband". I could understand that explanantion.

As a woman who was cheated on I could never find a reason enough to do that to another woman. It devastates and leaves life-long marks on a soul. While it would be up to the husband to up hold his vows, it would also be up to me to be compassionate to another woman...another human being. Alot of OW say they owe nothing to the wife...but that is so wrong!! We all owe something to each other as humans. Just "getting away " with it and having "my cake and eating it too" wouldnt cut it for me. If my home life was that bad sexually I would find another recipe cuz quite frankly...your eating someone else's cake!!

This is an "all sides of an affair" board...and this is MY side.  What you are doing just for sex is risking two marriages and the happiness of two other people...I just do not get how it could be that great...unless the risk is part of the passion and if so...I feel so bad for the spouses.Frown

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:06am

Survived, thank you for sharing this.  It sounds like your H was eventually willing to do the hard work of looking into his soul and articulating what he found there.  Although it can't have been as hard as what you went through, I can't imagineit was in any way pleasant having to face the true cost *to everyone* of what he did.

Too many stories on these boards are from people who don't seem willing to face what really *is* - we humans are capable of infinite self-delusion.  We like to pretend that we live in a bubble, that if no one finds out, no imprint is left on anyone.  You spoke a real truth with this statement:  "We all owe something to each other as humans."  Yes, yes, yes.  

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 11:18pm

Dear Survived,

You wrote, "As a woman who was cheated on I could never find a reason enough to do that to another woman. It devastates and leaves life-long marks on a soul."

While I haven't been the victim of a cheater, I totally agree.  I have had a couple of married men try to start something with me. They were exes of mine that then got married, but then decided that maybe as an ex they still had a chance (?!). Anyway, I was disgusted, and I, too, feel that I could never do that to another woman. Those exes obviously weren't men I could ever find attractive knowing that they would treat women--women they vowed and professed to love--in such a terrible way, either.

You are right, and I'm glad you shared your side.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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http://www.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2013
Mon, 07-01-2013 - 12:27am

Well said! I agree witH you completely. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2013
Mon, 07-01-2013 - 12:35am

You may have yourself convinced what you're doing is okay because you don't gt enough sex and your boss says his marriage is dysfunctional and his sex life is bad. My husband told his buddy the same thing. BS! Reality blame it on the spouse and it's easy to justify your choice. When you get caught everyone gets hurt, your spouses, the kids, everyone ends up broken hearted. I can't say this enough, you will wish this didn't happen, you will want your life back. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2013
Mon, 07-01-2013 - 12:35am

You may have yourself convinced what you're doing is okay because you don't gt enough sex and your boss says his marriage is dysfunctional and his sex life is bad. My husband told his buddy the same thing. BS! Reality blame it on the spouse and it's easy to justify your choice. When you get caught everyone gets hurt, your spouses, the kids, everyone ends up broken hearted. I can't say this enough, you will wish this didn't happen, you will want your life back. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 7:41pm

Your words were "just for sex." You imply that "just for sex" is something incredibly cheap, base, and perverted. Well, air is a just a chemical but we all need to breathe. I'm amazed when people whine that their spouse did it "just for sex." For one thing, being deprived for who knows how long is cruel. I know. My wife did it and does it, without even imagining how it has felt for so long. All she does is a routinized mechanical 5 minute thing called intercourse. Nothing else. She has no imagination. She never has had. And whenever I suggested a change in the routine, she refused and acted like I was a tad bit perverted. The other day, just for fun, just to hear her answer, I suggested something, and she said sneered. I said, "You've always refused." And she said, "Should I feel sorry for you?" Last year I decided I wanted romance AND sex. Now I've got both, and guess what? After the longest marriage, I'm so happy to be alive. People who say "just for sex," should reflect on their prudery. You might just be wrong. You probably are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Sun, 07-21-2013 - 1:30pm

WonderVenus you have no idea the hell you are creating for your selves.  You may think it is all fun and games to be yet another cliche schtooping her boss and that what your spouses do not know will not hurt you or them, but time is NOT on your side.  Regardless of how cunning and cool you think you are, you are not so special that the fate which has befallen most of us here will not happen to you.  At some point you will find yourself with the tatters of your life at your feet and all you will see in the mirror is the cavalier attitude you had about the whole thing.

Drattit If the sum of your parts only equals a dick looking for a dock then by all means keep on with your affair.  At least do your wife the decency of letting her go so that she can find some one she is more sexually compatible with.  Regardless of her lack of appetite for you she does not deserve to be betrayed and certainly does not deserve whatever illnesses you may bring home as a result of your secret forays.  Go your own ways.  It is best for everyone involved.  You do not love her any way so it should be no skin off your nose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2001
Mon, 09-02-2013 - 5:26pm
All of that "happy" is going to come crashing down on you once the affair is in the open! So look out, Hell is coming your way!

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