He Cheated on me and got a girl pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
He Cheated on me and got a girl pregnant
4
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 11:41pm

Hi,

I am a little speachless to say the least.  I just pieced together that a guy I have been seeing for almost 3 years had a fling and got the girl pregnant.  She is 5 months pregnant.  I just... I am literally at a loss for words.  I pieced it together from Facebook.  He took off work last Wednesday and said there was something that he needed to do and she posts a picture of the sonogram talking about how her and him are having a little girl and how excited they are.  If this were me a few years ago I would have majorly freaked out but I kept my composure somewhat and called him.  He answered and was all cute like he normally is and I asked him if he's been honest with me about everything and he said what in particular and I can tell you.  I told him I knew where he was last Wednesday and that I can't even bring myself to accept it because I have so much respect for him.  He wouldn't even say that she was having a baby but that he wanted to talk to me in person and its not the kind of talk he wants to have on the phone (which I suppose is a good thing).  I just said that I didn't know what I did wrong and to make him go to someone else and started crying and he didn't have anything to say (I mean really- who would).  He did cheat on his gf at the time when he met me and I apparently thought I was some amazing exception to the rule and was just played like a fool.  That was really where we left the conversation.  He made the comment that he doesn't really have a choice at this point on what to do and when I asked him to clarify he just said "I don't know, I just found this out a week ago and when I know what that is I will let you know." I have never, EVER had this happen to me before ever and as stupid as it sounds I feel like I need to hear him out and a big part of me just wants to tell him we will take this one day at a time and figure it out but am I absolutely crazy for thinking that? help please...I don't think I am going to get much sleep tonight :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 12:39pm

Hi,  It must be difficult for you to discover this from your bf.  If it was me I would move on.  The guy has shown you who he is, believe him.  The fact that he cheated twice (that you know of), once with you and once on you would make me, personally, want to move on.  IMHO I wouldn't even give him a chance to 'explain' himself.

take care,

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 1:11pm

That must have been horrible news--and considering he didn't tell you himself, made it worse.  Do you think it's realistic that this woman is 5 months pregnant & only told him a week ago?  I'd think most women who become unexpectedly pregnant would tell the guy much sooner because they are either mad/shocked & want to know how the guy feels about it (will he be there for support, help raising the baby, etc.--wouldn't you want to know if you were considering whether to keep the baby or have an abortion?) or now it sounds like she might have planned this.  She could be lying too but she is saying THEY are excited.  I wonder if he really wants to be with her & is going to make this look like "Oh I am trapped & now I have to do the right thing."

Personally I think that since you're not married, you should probably break up w/ him.  Even if he decided he was gonig to be with you, I don't know that I'd trust him and even if you could trust him, he's going to have to pay child support and if he's any kind of decent guy, will also be spending time w/ the child--could you handle that?  A constant reminder that this kid is a product of cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 1:10am

This is so unbelieveably hard and I am a range of emotions.  I can be fine one minute and then break down crying the next. He asked if we could go out on Friday to talk about everything and he could answer my questions....but then what?  He's just going to walk away from me and have a family? I know I shouldn't make assumptions but I can't help but feeling like I am the grossest thing on the planet at this point.  I am in no way perfect but I gave this guy my heart and I feel like someone is stomping on it.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 9:18am

It's hard to admit and accept that you have the time, and emotions in him and that it may all be wasted.

Three years wasted versus a lifetime with someone who will love you, cherish you, be honest with you?

Can you not see what you have now?

Something that is so important to your whole life and he just slips out, knocks up some girl, and she THINKS they are a couple?

Get real and honest with yourself. What would you tell your daughter to do if it happened.  What would you tell your little sister to do?

Now is the time to get out.

Do you think when that when you are 65 years old that you are going to look back and say: I should have married that lying, cheating man. I would of had a happy life.

You are lucky you found out now.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.