He says he needed attention
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|Fri, 07-27-2012 - 11:29am|
Our marriage hasn't been good for a long time, we argue about everything and the past while we've been more roommates than spouses. I've asked for a separation several times, he begs for counseling and things get better for a while. Turns out he's been going online to "chat" with people who live locally and a year ago March slept with another woman. He swears it only happened the one time but as early as last week he was reaching out to try to connect with others.... including a couple, and says he was curious about being with another guy. He says he wanted to feel appreciated, that he was seeking attention.
I found out accidentally, filed for divorce and then confonted him. He tried to deny it, and finally admitted to the adultery when I started quoting some of the texts I read.
Having had a couple days without the rage and adrenaline now I'm having regrets... regrets for not putting more energy into our relationship, regrets for closing him out, and regrets for jumping on the divorce papers. I do NOT take responsibility, this was his mistake. It's just...Divorce is so FINAL. It petrifies me yet I feel like a fool for even considering a reconciliation.
Ironically, I've discovered just how much I love him. He's always been my biggest supporter, he goes along with any crazy project I get on. I'm overweight and that's NEVER bothered him as much as it does me. He's seen me at my best and he's seen me at my worst and he's loved me through it all.
I don't know if we can work through this, or if I could ever learn to trust him again. With the divorce process already started, I haven't even given myself time to find out. I keep wondering if this state of confusion is my real feelings or if I were clearer in my judgement the day I filed the papers. Lots of people have said not to dwell on the paperwork... it's just papers.
We've been married 12 years. We have children. We struggle financially and this is just going to make that struggle harder. I would love to hear from other people's experiences whether you tried to work it out, walked away or tried and still walked away.