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|Tue, 07-30-2013 - 4:33pm|
I'm not sure if I'm here for direction or just support or simply just to get this off my chest. Regardless, I appreciate any feedback or advice anyone can provide.
My husband and I have been together for 8.5 years, married for 6 and have a four year old son. To anyone looking in, we probably appear to have a healthy marriage. That is not necessarily the case. I haven't felt like I was "in love" with my husband for several years. We have discussed this several, several times and attempted to put effort in to re-connect, spend more time together, spice things up, etc. That really isn't the only problem though- I feel like our marriage is a habit. I feel like he never wants to be around. He doesn't participate a majority of the time in the things going on in me and my sons lives. He is a natural pessimistic who is always complaining and he has no motivation with regards to his career. My salary is over double his and that puts a lot of pressure on me. He has opportunities to advance or make more money, but simply doesn't want to do it because he wants it easy. We've talked about all this in the past. He would say he would try harder and then before the situation even starts to improve, it's right back to where it was. I'm not perfect either, I have made some very poor financial decisions in the past that have created a lot of stress and strain on our marriage. The fact is, I'm only 29. I'm not happy. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this marriage. I feel like he does love me but the main reason he wants to stay with me is because I make his life easy. I cook and clean and pay our bills. My job allows us to have financial stability (versus if he was on his own)
Now... about the affair. My AP and I are both married. We met 5 years ago at work and worked together, very closely, for 4 years before we both left the company. I instantly felt a connection to him and our careers had us interacting frequently and we quickly did established a connection. After we both left to go to separate companies, we kept in touch- occasionally meeting for lunch and emails. No boundary was ever crossed and our connection was never discussed- our friendship was completely proper.... except that I secretly was in love with him. Recently the truth came out and he admitted that he has always felt the same way for me. We have been engaged in a month long affair and have also admitted that we've been "falling" in love with each other for a very long time- we're just compatible. His marriage is a disaster and he plans on telling his wife he wants a divorce when they go to their next couples counseling.
I feel... like I can't do this anymore. Regardless of what happens between me and my AP, I want out of my marriage. I am scared to tell him. Scared because he has a temper (my son will not be there) but I feel like I need to get out of this ASAP, I can't wait any longer. I'm considering leaving him a note explaining that I'd like a divorce, the reasons why, applicable next steps (financial stuff, our son, moving out, etc.) and then going away to my parents for the weekend. I feel bad not doing this F2F but... I am scared of his temper. I don't think he'd hit me but the likelihood of him punching a wall, throwing stuff and FREAKING out is quite high. I don't want to tell him about my AP though... I feel that would just be making it worse.
Help. Advice. Comments?