How to begin again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
How to begin again?
7
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 5:02pm

So, a friend I began having an EA with last year and ultimately ended with me becoming completely paranoid and asking him to not talk to me is trying to be cordial with me again. I had since apologized for acting like a B towards him but maintained distance. We often see each other, same place same time, so it is hard to avoid him altogether. My problem is, for about the last 6 months, he has been heavily on my mind again, and last Friday he out of the blue began joking and talkin to me. He has parked beside me all week, perhaps to increase chances of speaking to me?? I want to keep talking to him because I've made up my mind that is what I really want, but I am afraid he will speak to me with my husband around. Should I make it clear to him not to do that and have to give him the real reason for my husband's bad blood with him (which will be a confession on my part), or do I just stay quiet and enjoy conversations as they come? We will all be at the same place next week; I just don't want any suspicions from my husband to arise...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2013
Sun, 06-30-2013 - 5:32pm

Seems you are looking for an excuse to resume the affair, I agree leave your husband out of it. You're gonna hate it when you get caught though, you will beg to have your life back. Statisticly speaking, very few affairs end in lasting relationships and you lose your spouse too. The cheater usually ends up with nothing. Being the cheated on, I have no pity for a cheater but take it from me you are altering lives and not for the good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 12:52am

It sounds rather clear you want to resume your elicit affair.  So the obvious answer is leave your husband out of it.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 3:46pm

Apparently I touched a nerve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 3:38pm
I am not disputing your right to say whatever you want (I'm sure you are far within the T.O.S. here). I am shining a light on the fact that you give the exact same response, regardless of the question. Which suggests that you are not really interested in providing a helpful or even remotely thoughtful response, or, you have an agenda and will take every opportunity to beat your drum. I, for one, have stopped listening to the drone of that drum because of its monotony. So I would disagree that the question which "begs itself" (your words) is not at all the question you posed. That is the only question you seem able to answer - and I encourage you to answer when indeed that is the question. Perhaps with more judicious use of your answer, you can gain some credibility.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 1:11pm

This is the All Sides of an Affair Board. I believe that my comment was quite valid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Mon, 05-13-2013 - 1:16pm

Jackson - I don't think that your 'one-size-fits-all' comments are really terribly helpful and are definitely not very interesting.

Mommy - if I understand your post correctly, you are trying to choose between  friendly conversation with this person and making it crystal clear, verbally, that you want nothing to do with him?  How about a third choice?  How about you make it clear, via your body language and tone, that you will be cordial with him when you have to, but that you are not at all interested in a relationship with him.  If you are as committed to this as you say you are, this shouldn't be very difficult.  Unless he is an idiot, he will get the message eventually.  If he doesn't get the message, then you should be deeply insulted for being so disrespected and THEN make it clear to him, verbally, that you want nothing to do with him.

If this is really not what your question was - that instead you are waffling on what you are committed to, then ignore my answer above.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Mon, 05-13-2013 - 11:14am

The question which begs itself is Why do you want to hurt your H and screw up your M? Tell your H and give him a chance to move on with his life with someone else.