How to Forgive

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2007
How to Forgive
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 10:10pm

Hello,

I have been dating a guy for 2 years.  He is divorced with 2 great kids, has been divorced for about 10 years now.  The problem is, he is divorced because he left his wife and kids because he fell in love with someone else.  His wife wanted to try to work things out but he decided that he didn't want to and ended up divorcing her.  He wasn't a deadbeat Dad and still would see his kids every other weekend and eventually things didn't work out with the 'other woman' because she ended up cheating on him with another married man (which I see as karma).

So 10 years later, I am dating this guy and I really do love him.  He always puts his kids first, pays child support and even extra child support when he doesn't have to.  Him and his ex-wife are cordial to each other.  I've met her and she is nice.  My problem is, I'm worried about his past behavior.  We have talked about what happened and he didn't try to hide anything about it.  He told me the truth and honestly what had happened and didn't make any excuses for it.  I honestly don't think he would ever make this mistake again and he says that he won't.  He said he thought the grass was greener on the other side and he was wrong and he learned his lesson.

I'm still worried though.  I know it was 10 years ago and a person can change a lot in 10 years.  But we are starting to talk about our future and I don't want him to repeat history again, though he says he won't.  Something that also bothers me is he has a really close childhood friend, who was almost like a mother to him and they had a falling out because of what he did 10 years ago and have hardly talked since.  That bothers me because this person was so good to him and he hasn't talked to her in 10 years.  How can someone do that?

I guess this is another side of an affair and was wondering if anyone had any advice.  I've known about this for awhile but for some reason this is really bothering me right now.