Just found out that I am the OW, should I tell her?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Just found out that I am the OW, should I tell her?
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 3:52pm
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 10:30pm

How strong do you feel about letting her find out? 

It can be quite a risk.  The worst thing that can happen, is detailed in newspapers and the evening news on television, about love triangles gone wrong and someone gets killed. 

Is it possible that either of them could extract enough revenge to do some type of harm to you or, possibly enact some type of retribution to cause you embarrassment, or possibly loss of your job, and your reputation? 

Those are a couple of questions that you need to ask yourself before you do anything.  You know he is already a little unstable.  You are dealing with a liar and a cheat.  She could be even worse.

You might be better off, just moving on and trying to forget.

Good luck,


We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 8:43pm
Generalizing "once a cheater always a cheater" is wrong. People cheat, people get hurt, people feel remorse, people learn, people grow, there is just no way to know. Nothing about relationships is carved in stone and people do change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 11:57am

I'm the OW, too, but I would not tell her just to hurt her....my partner is going thru a divorce anyway; she'll find out soon enough.