Married, had sex with best male friend.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2012
Married, had sex with best male friend.....
1
Mon, 06-04-2012 - 5:49pm
So I've been married for two years to my highschool sweetheart (we've been together for seven years). He was the first guy I ever loved & I lost my virginity to him. Fast forward to now. I'm in college, & I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake & married too young. Recenty I've become very close to a male friend of mine. Ever since we've gotten to know each other there's been insane sexual chemistry between us. We & a couple of other friends got together for a few days last week. I ended up having drunken sex with him, and I know I cannot blame the alcohol because I knew exactly what I was doing. We had sex several times over the course of those few days. After I told him that he could never tell anyone, he replied that he understands completely & he doesn't want to be a "speedbump" in my marriage; he also said he would do anything for me, no matter what. We're not in love, but we're extremely close, & I could actually see it happening someday...I probably would be dating him if I was single. I feel like I tell him more of my life than I do my husband. I thought I would feel guilty, but I actually feel very recharged. I almost feel guilty for not feeling guilty about having sex (if that makes sense...). There is absolutely nothing wrong with my husband, but we've recently grown apart & developed new hobbies/made new friends apart from each other. I feel like we never really spend time together, and when we do, he just talks about his work/hobbies and I never really get a word in. I feel frustrated & bored a lot of the time. Like I said, he is a wonderful man, but I've really become a different person since we got married/went to college. He would be *absolutely* devastated if we split up. I'm just extremely afraid of hurting him & his family that way. I know that if we got a divorce there would be a lot of anger & harrassment from his family. There would be a lot of anger & disbelief from my family as well. Also, I know that if we got a divorce I would lose him as a friend also, which would be a huge loss in my life. Sorry this is so long, but I just don't know what to do, much less think...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Re: Married, had sex with best male friend.....
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 10:58am

Yes, I basically agree with peaceyma. You married too young. You and your husband would have been better off if you just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend, being lovers, but not wed. Many people do change a lot in college---and from my personal knowledge, few relationships from high school survive through college graduation.

As to your husband being upset and losing friendship with him, that's part of life. Even if he was still your boyfriend, not your husband, friendship after a serious relationship is very iffy.  If you do feel there is a chance for your marriage to be saved, go for marriage counselling. Otherwise, sometimes one needs to be cruel to be kind. You aren't doing your husband any favors by staying with him in the type of relationship you currently have.