Maybe having an affair....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Maybe having an affair....
Fri, 12-06-2013 - 3:19pm
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 12-07-2013 - 7:49pm

  He is hesitant because you want more than FWB/BC relationship.  Affairs are for fun.  If you cannot compartmentalize then it needs to be a no go.  Men want the joy of company and sex but are hesitant at first because they do not want someone clinging wanting a"relationship" or dating.  A person choosing to be in this type of adventure must understand that 85% of the time they will not leave the current person.

I myself have has several lovers.  Fwb's of varing lenghts.  I enjoy being alone.  I like to do things alone.  Now I know many women who have lovers and they all are able to separate lovers from primary or had no primary, but did not consider the lover for long term prospects.

    The question is what do you want?  A sex partner and friend who will be unavailable from time to time who you are excited to be with mainly sexually.  Or do you want a BF/GF scene?  Only you can answer these questions.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Sun, 12-08-2013 - 1:06am

Well...thank you for your response. At the time of the 1st instance we had an A...things were alot different. I was to that point where I thought I wanted an escape route from my current relationship along with dealing with some other personal things that altered my emotional state. Since then, I have worked out those things and I have told him that I have no intention of leaving my current relationship...I just have needs that don't get met regardless of directly poitning them out to my guy. This guy gives me the attention and the sexual attention that I crave from my guy. With that said...this other guy only stays with his girl for convenience and the fear of hurting her. Which I get to a point. She makes him miserable.

As for what I want...I really wish we could have what we had last year just without all the emotionally crap I had going on. When we first started talking again we discussed that it was just a sexual friendship and I told him I was fine with that. Do I wish he would leave her? Yea, I do! Not because I want to be with him but because I care enough about him to dislike seeing him so miserable all the time. I love him in a friend/amazing lover kind of way. I have told him I like him so he knows that...we always had a thing for one another. He has made comments like liking me isn't the problem...he could see himself happy with me...he is quite smitten...etc. We have talked about the fact that neither of us are in the position to start anything new. Which makes sense to me but he almost seems like he is all over the place...maybe confused himself?

 Another thing that bugs me is he tries his best not to look at me. Never really thought about it until we met up yesterday but whever we meet up...his avoids looking at me. He looks straight ahead. He has commented that my eyes drive him crazy before but I am not sure if that is why he can't seem to look at me or if there is some other reason. Just like the random hug. I have NEVER been hugged by anyone like that...including my man. My man mainly bear hugs me...just arm section touching each other and squeezing with his arms. However, this guy hugged me like a full body squeeze. It was a tight full body hug and probably the longest hug I have ever had. I LOVED it but it had me in shock and confusion.