Mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
Mess
8
Wed, 12-11-2013 - 3:44pm

Hello,

Short story: met a single guy on AM one year ago. I'm married but don't love my husband.

Fell hard for this single guy, but he only wanted sex ad ego boost from me. We've been no contact 4 times: 1 month, 2 months, 4 months, and last one 2 months. ALways me who contacted him again, and he's always there.

His profile: separated 4 years ago, 1 child, He's active in 5 dating sites daily. 

I've tried to forget him, but I always contact him again. This last time, the day of Thanksgiving. We finally met this Monday. When I arrived to his home, I noticed he smelled of alcohol (11 am). Then he started to talk about his ex. We talked for about 1 hour. He hates her, he says she's evil. Then we had sex. At first I got a little scared. He was not forceful with me, but he grabbed my hands and I almost couldn't move for a couple seconds. I said "wait" to him 3 times until he eventually stop. He put my hands in his chest to show me his hearth was racing. Then it was all very natural, like always.

After sex we talked for about 1 hour, cuddling, until I had to run. That night he sent me a text asking how I was, which I never replied. That was 48 hours ago. I know he is dating other women at the moment, and I also realized he mistook dates and people when we were talking. He said things that didn't correlate with things he told me in the past, but maybe it was me I didn't understand him...

I care about him and I want him to be happy. I'm feeling horrible I haven't replied his text. I actually don't know why I'm doing this. I wish he'd love as I loved him, or at least have some kind of feelings, but everytime I go no contact, he doesn't care at all, and never contacts me back until I do so. 

i just don't know what to do. I like the feeling of excitement he provides me and the fact hes a "bad guy". I just don't know why I'm not contacting him, it's so unusual of me. I always contacted him after sex and we fought because he always dissapeared. I don't know, I'm a mess. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2013
In reply to: forgetmenot75
Wed, 12-11-2013 - 4:27pm

Wow I am just like you are and this last time he messaged me was on 11/5 and I still haven't responded to him.  I want to really bad but I just can't bring myself to do it.  What is wrong with us?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: forgetmenot75
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 2:31am

 The question is why are you with your husband?  You say you don't love him.  Are you living as roommates?  Does having a lover make it possible to forget that you are unhappy?

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
In reply to: forgetmenot75
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 11:50am

I am with him because we have kids together and I don't work. Eventually, I'll get the divorce.

Yesterday night I texted him and asked to meet me. I'm alone since H is traveling. He came and I was almost drunk. I don't remember much, I was dizzy, and now I feel completely ashamed. I don't think he'll ever contact me again.

It's the morning after right now and I miss him terribly. I only want to text him and be with him. I feel desperate but I know I shouldn't do anythingh right now. I only want to be with him :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: forgetmenot75
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 12:24pm

I agree with XXXS...........if you don't love your husband, why are you staying with him?  You know exactly what goes on with this guy.......he's "separated" for four years?  So why isn't he divorced?  You say he gets his "stories" mixed up.....maybe the separation is a "story" too.  No one can push him for marriage.....he's already married darn it!!  He might be single........and he knows there are women out there who look for a loser like him to "console" him.  A man who specifically goes for married women knows there is little or no chance that they will ever be really "available"........so he can have his fun, with no obligation on his part.  You "care about him and want him to be happy"?  What makes you think he's NOT happy?  I'm sure you're not the only lonely woman who cares about him, and wants to make him happy!  And HE is happy as a bug in a rug......with his harem taking care of him!

You need to fix YOUR life.....and then you'll be able to look for a real man.......one who is honest, and not a user.  If you're not happy in your marriage, and you've tried to fix it.......then get a lawyer, get a divorce, and move on with your life.  Being involved outside the marriage isn't the answer.....and it will only make you lose your own self respect......which is obvious, when you lower yourself to be involved with a lying loser like this guy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
In reply to: forgetmenot75
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 12:56pm

I am with him because we have kids together and I don't work. Eventually, I'll get the divorce.

Yesterday night I texted him and asked to meet me. I'm alone since H is traveling. He came and I was almost drunk. I don't remember much, I was dizzy, and now I feel completely ashamed. I don't think he'll ever contact me again.

It's the morning after right now and I miss him terribly. I only want to text him and be with him. I feel desperate but I know I shouldn't do anythingh right now. I only want to be with him :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2013
In reply to: forgetmenot75
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 12:58pm
not married, I used the term "separated" because they never married. He's single.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 8:28pm

 It is understandable to want the semblance of a relationship.  it is fine to have a booty call it passes the time.  However reading your posts it seems that you may be fooling yourself.   IMO you seem to think there will be a happy ever after with this lover.  first after the divorce it won't be as it was before.  Next you need to get your ducks in a row.  Questions  about how the state laws work where you are.  Some states will not allow the custodial parent to move out of state or even out of the county!   Plan well. 

Oh yes it might be a good idea to delete your history from the browser.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2009
In reply to: caldissima
Wed, 01-01-2014 - 11:05am

Your life sounds like you are in a very unhappy place at the moment.  You are trying to have something with a man that simply will never be.  You feel awful about this because you are deluding yourself that this is working for you but it is actually harmful to you.  This man is only a booty call.  That's it and that's all it's going to be.  You don't love your husband and you sound like you feel trapped by circumstances.  I've been there.  A booty call is not what you need.  It sounds from your posts that you feel empty and you need love in your life.  I know from having been there that it's far easier to say that you should just leave your marriage than it is to actually do it.  However, this is what you need to do and until you either work on your marriage or leave it and open yourself up to loving again, I fear that you're going to be chasing rainbows like you're doing with this unavailable affair partner. 

I feel, judging by your posts, that  you need to end this A with this man.  I also feel that you need to end your M but I know that's just not a flippant decision.  So either work on it and your happiness or get out.