Thinking about it.....an affair
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|Tue, 08-27-2013 - 10:57am|
I can NOT believe that I am even thinking about it.
I have a condition called maladaptive daydreaming. I've had it all my life, but I have NEVER had any of my thoughts, or daydreams come close to me making them really happen.....until now. I am happily married to a wonderful man, and I love him dearly and he loves me so much.
I work a 2nd shift job right now (about to go to 1st shift). There is a guy I work with that I have "placed" into one of my daydreams. I almost feel like some silly school girl with a huge crush on him. We have only talked a couple times, and I'm sure he knows that I am married. He has never approached me for anything like flirting, or anything else of that sort. He doesn't even have a clue I like him, and neither does anyone else in the world. This is my little secret, and I keep him in my daydreams.
I have been thinking about what it would be like "IF" we were to start talking and became close friends and "IF" things were to go a step further. I know there are a LOT of "IF" and I may be just talking out my backside.....but I'm about to go to this guys area, and I just don't if something was to "come up" if I could stop it....
Maybe I am just crazy, I don't know......maybe I am just still in my daydream.
A part of me wants to see what would happen, andyet, the other part doesn't want to hurt my husband.
I've been married for almost 12 years and never even thought about doing anything before.
I have been married 4 times, but none ended because of me having an affair or anything like that. My first ended because I was too young and didn't know what I was doing. My second ended when he ran off after I had my son. My 3rd ended when HE met someone online and drove me crazy until I finally left so he could move the other woman in. Here I am FINALLY happy and contemplating having an affair, (IF, the opportunity arises).
I kind of feel guilty just thinking about it.
I do love my husband, but there are some things that a lot of people and none here know about.
He spent time in prison YEARS ago for having sex with an underage girl. He is now labled as a sex offender and has to register 4 times a year. Because of this, he will not even try to get a passport or won't consider living anywhere else in the world. He is SOOOO afraid something will happen and he will get blamed for doing something he hasn't done.
I've always wanted to go on a cruise...but I guess I never will get to :(
As far as I know, NO ONE in my family knows of my husbands past. I know about it when I got with him, he was up front and honest from our very first date, and I accepted him as is, but I have been put down and ridiculed because of his past. Sometimes I wished I could just walk away from that part of it all.
I think I am just a confused person, I don't know, but here I am today (and the last month) thinking that if circumstances were just right, I just might give in to temptation and have that affair.
How do I get past this BEFORE anything happens.
I guess this is the "Before the affair" problem.......