Two wrongs don't make a right....
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|Wed, 05-21-2014 - 6:17am|
The sole purpose of this is to vent. However, feel free to ask questions if something isn't clear or comment, give some advice, etc.
So, in 2012, I was raped by a guy that I had considered to be a friend. Instead of dealing with it...I had a 1 night stand with a friend and later on had a 2-3 month affair with another friend. I eventually started seeking therapy and dealt with quite a few things. The rape....I told hubby about. The 1 night stand I hid and how my brain worked at the time....it never happened. He found out anyways and then I confessed to the last one. I still have random contact with the 1 night stand and had no contact with the last guy up until Septemeber when he reached out to me because my grandfather died of cancer and so did his mom. I told hubby of this contact and don't recall a reaction. I didn't think it was a big deal since I was more emotionally stable and in control of my emotions. We didn't talk everyday. We only texted. Usually it was about the weather, his job, his relationship, his daughter...innocent stuff like that. Well, one day we had a conversation where we got a little deep in the past when we had the affair. It was based on the time of the affair and it was sexually centered. My hubby found this conversation on our 4th wedding anniversary. So he treated me like crap for about a month...barely talked to me let alone touched me. I had started talking to a new therapist and started becoming more emotionally aware so I finally broke down in hysterics bearing my heart to him. After that, we had a week that was great...we seemed to reconnect emotionally.
So, fast forward to this past Friday when he sits me down and asks for a divorce. Turns out he had gone with his parents to a divorce lawyer and started the process in the beginning of that week. Then on top of it I dsicover he is talking to some girl starting around the same time. A bit before the lawyer from what I can tell. So, he starts contact with this girl around the 10th, around that time we are what I thought to be rekindling our marriage, The 13th we have family game night at his parents in which they both knew all of this at that time and no one said a word to me. Then bam!!! on the 16th he tells me he has talked to a lawyer about divorce. I called our Pastor and he came to talk to us. After, he left, hubby said against his better judgement he will stop the divorce but 1 screw up on my part and we are done. The same day or the following day is when I discovered this other girl.
So, during this time of reconnecting he had been in contact with this girl. He litterally talked to her more than he had talked to me in over a month. They were texting, calling each other, talking of meeting up, etc. So, here I am sitting up at 5 am coming to the realization that he was in contact with her while we were reconnecting...he was calling her as he drove home from work and while at home. He was talking to her everyday for a week. He was investing his time in this girl that was supposedly only there to teach me a lesson yet he hadn't invested much time in me until he started contact with this girl. Supposedly, he has stopped contact with this girl now that we are going to start couples counselling and try to work things out but now I am sitting here wondering what else I am unaware of that was going on behind my back.
I think that what I did was bad enough but two wrongs don't make a right. I never once did any of those things under malice intent. He did this just for that reason. In my mind that is worse whether he did anything else besides what i know. I can't believe he let his co-workers talk him into stooping so low...and yet they say they care about him. Yea, so obviously the right thing to do is do the same thing back but with malice. Then, when he tells said co-worker that we are going to work things out....he tells him that I could require therapy through the courts anyways. He tells me that too...so he might as well save the money for the lawyer and take the counselling. Yea, that makes me really feel like he is here because he wants to be. Then I tell him how in love with him I am and he just says I love you too. Ummmm, hello....that is not what I said. HUGE difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.
So, now I am terrfied that everything is simply an act in order for him to keep the peace until after we have enough therapy to go forward with the divorce. What pissed me off so much was that he hid this all from me. With my first divorce...I straight up told him what was going on. How cruel is it to just spring a divorce on someone like that out of nowhere after a week of things going good and reconnecting?!! I was devastated...it made that week feel like a lie. He has to think pretty low of me to think that I would risk jail time to use his bank account for a shopping spree.
I am very much in love with this man and one thing I never thought that I would ever say about him is that I can't trust him. So now not only do we have to work on him trusting me but me trusting him again. I am brokenhearted that he would stoop so low to hurt me/teach me a lesson. Congrats! I hope it was worth it.