On the verge of cheating...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
On the verge of cheating...
12
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 5:20pm
I know it's wrong and everything against views but I'm too far in and can't help but feel so good around my new friend. My marriage is great except the sexlife is nonexistent. I've tried it all, talking to my husband, counseling, toys, etc etc but he has no desire or only once every other month if I pursue. I miss the intimacy, I miss feeling the passion as if I'm the center of his universe! I am so lonely going to bed alone most nights while he works or falls asleep on the couch. I swear his mistresses are food, alcohol and his job. So I reunited with a friend and simple lunches have turned into great flirting episodes and I feel so good. Then when I snap out of it I feel horrible remembering my vows. We now have a plan to meet soon and I know if I cross the line there is no going back and I'll become my worst nightmare. I'm on the verge and not sure what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2011
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 7:15pm

Turn around and run as fast as you can the other way !  I guarantee you that it will only lead to utter heartache - FOR YOU.  I was in your shoes once and I know exactly how you are feeling now - you are floating on cloud nine and feeling as though you have the world in the palm of your hand - right ?  No what you have is a very pretty balloon filled to the max with muck inside.  The balloon will burst VERY SOON and the muck will be all over you and take a long painful time to wash off.  You are fortunate to have found this Board before you ventured further into your A.  I wish I was as lucky as you.  I am now almost four years out of my A and it was the lowest of low period of my life. Yes in the beginning I was at the highest of high, but once the PA started, you will start to feel degraded and used, A's are dead end relationships that will suck the life out of you and damage your soul.  I encourage you to go over to EAS and read, read, read - it will save your life.

Take care and I hope to see you change direction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 12:17am
I am going to tell you don't do it. I have a long story behind why, but honestly I don't think that is what you want to hear. You are already in the mix and I don't think anyone will talk you out of it.

As the other poster stated, read the boards, EAS, MAS, after your affair and even the betrayed spouses board. There is pain on there everywhere. The same stories repeat themselves over and over, with different characters. An affair changes you and the lives of those around you, no one knows how it will affect them personally but I will guarantee you this, you won't walk away unscathed. Stop and think about where you want your life to go? An affair isn't the answer, it is only a detour.

Good luck
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 9:12am
Before you jump off the bridge tell him, tell your husband. What have you got to loose? It sucks now, can it be worse. Tell him what you need and want. It will be hard, it might hurt him or you, but at least you tried. If that doesn't work, then end your marriage and free yourself for real love, not the heartache of an A.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 1:43pm

I would suggest to you that you go to the Ending Affair Board and read the DD thread in the Healing Library. That will give you a really good idea of what your life will be like after discovery. Better to sit down with H and tell what you have been doing and what the outcome will be if he doesn't step up to the plate and delivery. M is not a one way street....both parties must be able to communicate adequately as to what their needs are and the consequences of failing to meet those needs. Make sure that your H understands. A are not to be taken lightly. The aftermath will last forever for you and your family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 2:53am
Has he been to the doctor? it's unusual for a man who was once passionate to suddenly lose interest in sex without a reason. If he's up late at nite working on the computer, he could be doing more than working and possibly using porn to relieve himself instead of coming to you.Is there any chance he could be having an affair?