Why am I in this

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2000
Why am I in this
Sun, 02-16-2014 - 1:32pm

  was attacked at work by a manager, he grabbed me and dragged me to a private area and touched me until I could break free.I reported the assault, and as a result  I was forced to transfer and have been dropped by all my friends  The manager received permanent employment status, even though he admitted to everything. .  A year after I was at my new job one of my co workers and I became friends, my husband and I have a long distance marriage.  He encouraged me to hang out with this man.  Eventually it lead to a sexual relationship.   I liked how protective he was of me at work, he also would listen to me cry and talk about the attack.

I now have two men who love and adore me.  My husband does not want me to end my "friendship"  .

He feels that he has not been able to reach me since the attack and this man does.   He will never divorce me and feels that my other relationship will run its course.   He enjoys the protection and love this man gives me and knows the other man loves me.

I am confused, I feel guilty.  I have spoken to clergy who tell me to end the affair because of the moral violation.   I no longer even enjoy sex with anyone.

I was content in my marriage prior to the attack.  I havent felt "normal" and I don't know what to do.  

I am now working with a therapist and she tells me to wait. 

Does anyone have any experience, advice? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 02-16-2014 - 11:09pm

What exactly is the therapist telling you to "wait" for?  This whole thing is very confusing.  Your manager raped you, yet you had to get a new job and all your friends dropped you, and the manager got permanent employment status?  What does that mean?  He admitted he raped you, so he was rewarded for raping you?  None of this makes sense.  Your friends dropped you?  What kind of friends were they?  Usually, when something like that happens to someone, their friends rally around them.  And then your husband encourages you to have an affair, and wants you to continue in it.........although you don't like the affair partner anymore either.   I think you should get rid of both men, get a GOOD therapist that specialized in sexual assault victims, and get your life back on track.  As far as what your husband wants, he doesn't own you or control you.  He's not much of a husband if he thinks the "cure" for being raped is to have another random sexual relationship.  This is YOUR life, and you need to decide WHAT you want, and do it.  If you want the affair partner, then go for it.  If you want to stay married, then go for THAT.  But most of all, take care of yourself first, and get yourself some GOOD therapy......not with someone who tells you to "wait".  There is nothing to wait for, you need to get on with your life.............NOW.