Why can't I remember anything???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
Why can't I remember anything???
7
Fri, 03-29-2013 - 11:54am

My husband found some videos and pictures online of a woman having sex with different men, and the woman (women?) in question just so happens to look, act, talk, and sound just like I do. She even moves in the exact same way I do. My husband now has "hard evidence" of my affairs that apparrently he's been suspecting all along. He only wants one thing: the names of the people i've been sleeping with, and why i did it in the first place. (ok, so TWO things).

There's just one itty-bitty little problem with that... I have no recollection whatsoever of having ever slept with anyone else. ever. (dh and i have been together since i was 16.) i may have CONSIDERED having affairs in the past (idk why, though) but as far as i can remember, I never HAVE. Of course it's pretty hard to believe my innocence, myself, after seeing all these videos and pictures floating around.

I just started seing a therapist, hoping to have SOME help, but I don't see her until monday and at this rate, I've been contemplating suicide a LOT today. (and this affair issue, has been going on for about a year.)

I'm trying to figure out how i can be guilty, but have no memory whatsoever at the exact same time .(Because, I don't even know anymore if i'm as innocent as I think.) my husband claims that i know everything and that i'm the worst type of slut out there. that includes his sister, who is open on the many, MANY partners she has had. but i'm worse. a LOT worse, because i refuse to admit to anything.

has anyone else had an issue like this???

enter siggy here

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 03-29-2013 - 1:35pm

Are you sure the woman in the videos is you?  Is it possible that it's just someone who looks like you?

If you are feeling suicidal, please seek help.  Here are some resources:

National Suicide Hotline USA
1-800-784-2443
1-800-273-8255

State Hotlines: http://suicidehotlines.com/

Why call a suicide hotline? http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/whycall.html

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 1:10pm

My initial reaction was that your husband is manipulating you.  After thinking about it for a few days, that opinion hasn't changed.  Unless you know that you have had other dissociative episodes where you have no idea where you are or how you got there, it is highly improbable that you somehow have been leading a double life as a porn actress.  For one thing, how could you possibly be having sex with multiple men and have no, um, physical evidence afterward?

Many, many people look like other people.  I look similar to two famous actresses, and people are always thinking that I look like someone they know - either one of those actresses or someone they know personally (the last time was when I was visiting a castle in Scotland and a man and his wife kept looking at me - finally they came over and explained I was a dead ringer for his sister, except I couldn't be because I was smiling and laughing and she was a miserable wretch, LOL).   As another example, in high school I went to a solo performance where the actress looked so EXACTLY like my own sister that I was sure it was her, and it wasn't until she did a teaching stint in our classroom that I realized it wasn't her.

I am very suspicious of your husband's accusations.  It seems like he is looking for a reason to accuse you to cover up something he is doing himself, or that he is highly insecure.  If he had any sense of dignity himself or compassion for you, he would be more interested in fixing his marriage than in making severe accusations of things that are virtually impossible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 9:42pm

I had an issue where my partner started accusing me of cheating on him, which I wasn't. Turns out that he was cheating on me.

My first thought was why was your husband looking at online porn in the first place? Is that something that you are okay with?

Like the PP said its unlikely that you made multiple porn videos and photo shoots with no recollection of any of it. Your husband seems to be the one with the problem. I hope that your therapist can help you move forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 7:40am
Perhaps i should have made mention of my multiple, MULTIPLE mental health problems so as to not worry you. I have my depression spells so being all suicidal again yes, it's a big deal, but it's something i live with. Usually dh helps me through it. He keeps saying stuff about how EVERYONE (including his mom and aforeementioned sister) knows about my affairs. He keeps bringing up the fact that i have been known to return hone with mysterious bruises. Many of these bruses i don't recall. But i also have a horrible memory. I do, however, recall a series of bruises on my hip that did resemble fingertips. I had no idea where i got them then, and I still have no idea now. He allso keeps mentining hickeys, but as i recall, i only had 1 hickey ever (before he started leaving them) and that was fromm my first bf. A YEAR before we started going out. I'm often left confused by this, and i appreciate the support. My worst fear is that i really AM guilty. (Ok, i actually have other fears which are far worse, but not relevant to that his conversation.

enter siggy here

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 04-26-2013 - 1:31pm

Have you spoken to your therapist about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
Wed, 05-01-2013 - 3:58pm
My therapist sees me in my home for this issue. We had an interesting session monday. Dh and i had played a game together and, despite an ungodly amount of glitching, we were doing pretty well. My therapist noted that it was the first time she'd ever seen us happy together. We were finishing each other's sentances, agreeing constantly and basically our very auras were completely in tune. Most every other time, she had seen us, we disagreed on practically everything and i was always on the defensive. It was a good session.

enter siggy here

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 11:47pm

Angel, you need to urgently seek psychiatric/medical help if you are truly posting an honest thread here.  As a person with the many mental health issues you have already described, you may already know you have multiple personalities or severe sleep issues, possible dementia, or any number of problems.  But talking with a therapist is not enough!  You really need to be admitted to a facility that can keep you safe and explore what is going on here.  You are probably off your medications and need help quickly.  Please do it before you get hurt.

angel_of_satan wrote:
<p>My husband found some videos and pictures online of a woman having sex with different men, and the woman (women?) in question just so happens to look, act, talk, and sound just like I do. She even moves in the exact same way I do. My husband now has "hard evidence" of my affairs that apparrently he's been suspecting all along. He only wants one thing: the names of the people i've been sleeping with, and why i did it in the first place. (ok, so TWO things).</p><p>There's just one itty-bitty little problem with that... I have no recollection whatsoever of having ever slept with anyone else. ever. (dh and i have been together since i was 16.) i may have CONSIDERED having affairs in the past (idk why, though) but as far as i can remember, I never HAVE. Of course it's pretty hard to believe my innocence, myself, after seeing all these videos and pictures floating around.</p><p>I just started seing a therapist, hoping to have SOME help, but I don't see her until monday and at this rate, I've been contemplating suicide a LOT today. (and this affair issue, has been going on for about a year.)</p><p>I'm trying to figure out how i can be guilty, but have no memory whatsoever at the exact same time .(Because, I don't even know anymore if i'm as innocent as I think.) my husband claims that i know everything and that i'm the worst type of slut out there. that includes his sister, who is open on the many, MANY partners she has had. but i'm worse. a LOT worse, because i refuse to admit to anything.</p><p>has anyone else had an issue like this???</p>