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Registered: 03-02-2010
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Tue, 03-02-2010 - 9:23am

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Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 3:52pm

Here is the betrayed spouses website.

http://bssgiv.tripod.com/

It has some good advice.

"More than anything, I hope I am not making a mistake and that I don't end up making a fool out of myself but I can't imagine not being with him and being his wife."

I've been there. I'm soo sorry! I would not count on him having given you the whole picture. Truth tends to trickle out over time. It's only been a few days for you. I would find a therapist. This sort of stuff is way to big for just "I'm sorry." If it were me, I would (and did) insist that my spouse get a therapist and see him for a good period of time. I saw mine for over a year, and my spouse stopped in December.

Look this is going to be a long road, hold on, chin up. Your asking for help. That's a good start.

Thomas

I have 5 kids ages 16-10. Our D Day was August, 2008

What I'm doing to rebuild: Therapy, Books, Exercise, Forgiveness and Listening.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
In reply to: bbutleral
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 6:53pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 8:06am
Welcome to the board - I'm so sorry for the pain you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:01am
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:37am
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 1:45pm

"I will disappoint if I am told to kick him out, "

Doing things because you don't want to disappoint someone is really hard stuff. My spouse did stuff with the other men because she didn't want to be judged by or disappoint them. The fact that she didn't stick up for herself, only served to make me feel worse and made her feel worse in the long run.

I felt a lot of pressure to punish the other men in some way. At some point, you have to stand up for yourself and do what you feel is right. My experience is that people are very forgiving in the end.

Thomas

I have 5 kids ages 16-10. Our D Day was August, 2008

What I'm doing to rebuild: Therapy, Books, Exercise, Forgiveness and Listening.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:27pm

I feel like I can barely even take a deep breath.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:45pm

Thank you, this is true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 3:13pm

The best thing would be to just call of the trip for the next few weeks, but I had a inclination that was not an option, and you confirmed it.


She/ they will know something is wrong, because your mind will wonder off about what he may be doing, has done, and what will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 3:20pm

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