these intrusive thoughts or flashbacks are signs of trauma. infidelity is a type of moral trauma. there is a psychotherapy technique called EMDR (you can read about it online) that can relieve symptoms like yours. the therapist needs to be trained to do it. my current therapist did not have the training, so i had 2 sessions of EMDR with a trained therapist as an adjunct to my regular 'talk' therapy.
the other important change that helped was when my relationship with my soon to be ex ended. when we were trying to reconcile, the intrusive thoughts were the worst. (i did EMDR during that time and it did help) .
i should add that EMDR is not about 'forgetting' he had sex with OW but about healing ourselves and our deepest beliefs about ourselves --it's not about him.
someone I know did EMDR after having PTSD from an abusive marriage. She said that it worked.
I heard that also but make sure you get a good therapist and one who is well versed in EMDR..
I tried EFT.... emotional freedom technique.. Its tapping on energy spots on the body.. You can google it and Utube has some good demonstrations of it.. It really works also..
Yes; it is always good to find ways to heal yourself and stop dwelling on the past and ex;es and their stuff.. Let them deal with their own demons and you deal with yours.. I know easier said than done..
Atleast today there are alot of healing modalities that seem to work.
Yes; I think time is the best healer.. Well? the whole situation sucks but there are these healing modalities for you to try.
I would think that the best thing would be for you or him to move out and move on and then heal.. It is more difficult to heal when the two people are in same house.. I did it though because I had alot to lose if I left.......so I stuck it out.. for one half years and went on the healing journey.. It was very difficult and heart wrenching for that time. The only thing I regret though is not really enjoying that time more than I did because when I think back although it was a small nightmare there were many good things happening and I was finding myself.. After the stabs and stings in my back I would get stronger and stronger and find ways to cope and I was finding the new me again and I liked it.. I just wasted time on feeling depressed and not living to my fullest.. I wish I could go back.. Just saying...
It takes alot of time and yes we all want that fix but it wont happen overnight.. Trust us you will be okay and please trust in God and the healing methods and you will come out a winner.
Not to say it wont hurt like hell alot but you get to choose how you deal with it; not your ex and not his mistress.....No one but you.
Screw them and go on and live live live life..