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Registered: 01-18-2006
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Fri, 09-21-2012 - 6:28pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

If you "believed" it, then wouldn't it make you think about it more? Why would you want to do that to yourself? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

agree with Music.. why do you want to keep torturing yourself and making yourself sick with envy and worry...

AGain sweets; its time to get mad, angry and kick ex to curb............If not physically then emotionally and mentally. Why are you not angry, mad and want to bash him (not really but in your mind) ..........You seem to not be going t hrough the stages of grief and that would mean you are not on your way to healing for you and your kids....................

Besides thinking about your ex and his mistress what have you done to move forward in this?? Are you looking for work? going back to school.. Taking walks or drives or exercising?? Have you re connected with friends or family or taken up a hobby.

Get the focus off those monsters who are destroying you and put it back on YOU....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

okay. so lets look at this from a different perspective then?? So they are having sex.. So what?? Good for them.. let them have it and then deal with the bad consequences and karma later.. We all know that is going to happen.

You know my ex H after 6 years got permission to move in with his gfriend in another state.. Know why? Cause she was homeless and he is an abuser so they make a good team (ha ha)..

So he has lived with her for a month and he calls me to tell me that its not working out... and they are at each other and its not good. Really??............... Of course its not working out because they are both nuts and I can bet your ex and his new found love toy is just temporary and they will both be miserable soon enough. You  just have put a smile on your face and wait it out.. It could take awhile but in the meantime live life to the fullest...without ex and dont dwell on any of it. Change the station when your mind wanders. Go out and take in the beauty of the world.. The fresh air, the land and all it has to offer.. change the station and go and do something constructive.. Draw, paint , sing, dance.. There is alot more to do than think about your ex and his penis.. who cares??

Let it go and let God and the Universe and the Karma take care of it all and you go on and have a good and happy time..

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Trying...... : /
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Hang in. there. I.know it takes years to get over all of it. I would love to offer you a magic don't think about it pill. Unfortunately there it's no such thing. All you can do is practice thought stopping. You think about it and actively FORCE yourself to think about something else that is positive. Something to try may be apositive thought of the day type calendar or reflection book. Then during the day whenever you find yourself thinking about them doing the deed you pull out that reflection book and focus on the daily writing and something that if good for YOU.

Again hang in there. The stages of grief take different amounts of times for everyone. You were in anger a long time, now shock. It will get better it just takes time.
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thought stopping is something Id heard of -- had forgotten to reading it here w/you all. someone suggested popping a rubberband on my wrist when I think those thoughts.

My therapist thinks Im still in a ton of hurt & anger. shock.... i guess you go back & forth thru it all.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Oh; I like that idea. I have heard of and done the rubber band thing actually... It makes you stop and live in the moment and stops the thoughts from wandering around and going crazy.............

I am curious though has any progress been made with him moving out or financial or have you found a job or anything???

I mean I am speaking from experience and if you dont prepare yourself for this you will be in for some more shocks down the road. The shocks of reality like bills and food and all...........Sorry but it is what it is...................

The other thing is what would happen if you contested the divorce? would you want to make your husband squirm a little? I am not one for revenge but I have known women who have done it and it was in their favor..

I for one waited ten years for my divorce.. I was married for 8 years when I left marital home and ex and I had to wait for two more to get my ex;es social security.. So I had to play his game for awhile. I made it thank goodness to the ten year mark.upon the suggestion of my lawyer.. I know you are married longer but is there anything you need to do before the divorce goes through?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Rubber bands would hurt. Ouch. But I guess that would make me.stop. :-)
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
He is not moving out. He doesn't see how his presence sets a bad example. He feels his presence is positive for the girls. Lawyer is ENCOURAGING me to stick w/it - for the $$$$$ would go into my & the girls pockets. and apparently it takes a long time for the legal order to "get out" to go thru.

Im told distinctly NOT to get a job. Would change the alimony. I am however studying for a new career. Shouldnt be toooo much longer & I do think the niche will allow me to find a job - even if Im not yet certified.

Im told as soon as the divorce goes thru --- go out & find a job. Hes going to have to pay me a ton of alimony, but the accountant suggested I try & invest all the alimony & try & live on whatever I make w/a new job. I see his point - but it may be difficult at first.

I have been stocking up all over the place w/non-perishable essentials! :smileywink:

The two are anxious for all divorces to go thru so they can be together. IF he'd only get out - Id be happy dragging my feet a long time - just to make them mad....

What exactly would contesting it gain me? just revenge?

what else should I do prior to this going thru? it could be months yet.
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
thanks. i keep being told to journal. already keeping a log of divorce stuff & Im going to school - so right now I feel it just one more thing.

the meditation idea sounds heavenly.

with groupons, locllys, etc --- I have begun again getting weekly massages. ll......

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