1 month since 3rd DDAY

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
1 month since 3rd DDAY
13
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 12:20pm
I am so sad today because I know in the end she will contact him again. It all depends on HIM. He knows the consequences of contact!
ANY CONTACT!
I have asked, our counselor has asked, what is her hold on you? He says there is no hold he just can't say no to people. Funny, he has NO problem saying NO to me.
So how do I check his work emails? Anybody have any idea?
S

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 3:12pm
I'm so sorry Selkie, he doesn't sound like he has quite "Gotten It" yet. He should be able to show you how to access his emails remotely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 3:34pm

His response to the therapist is lame/weak/crappy, whatever you want to call it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 4:09pm
You are not getting the big picture here. Forget checking up- I kicked my H out of the house after his 2nd affair and all of a sudden he started to get it. He is going for counseling, and being completely transparent. I don't have to check anything-he shows me everything and tells me all his thoughts and if she's tried to contact him. HE is making all the effort to prove to me he will be faithful. your H is not out of the fog of the affair. Kick him out and wake him up! It takes courage, but if he loves you it will work. If not, ask yourself this, why would I want to be w/someone who doesn't love me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 5:08pm

I am so sorry for your pain and continued pain


I don't know your whole story, but do they work together?


Human resources at his work could and would eventually check to see what emails and calls he is getting and from who on a work computer and work cell phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 6:55pm

Its doesnt matter how to get into his work emails...this is his 3rd DDAy..its time to wake up...he isnt going to change...when are you going to finally get rid of him...after 4th, 5th? He cant say NO to HER because he has strong feelings for her...he will not admit that to the counsler or YOU. The marriage is over. He says No to you because he doesnt love you the way he does her....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 8:30pm
Do you think that I don't know all of this?
He tells me he loves me all the time. I don't believe he loves me enough to get her out of his life.
I am still holding onto a hope that we can get through this but I am prepared to go IF I have too. I am tired tired tired.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 9:43pm
Selkie, be good to yourself.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 11:23pm
Unless you have the address and password, you're out of luck. But even if you did, keep in mind that he may be smart enough not to be sending personal e-mails from his work e-mail. Some company owned computers are monitored, like my H's. And really if they want to talk to OW without you know it only takes 5 min. to set up a new account with yahoo, g-mail, aol etc. so you would never know if they had other accounts you are not aware of. Although I did hear that there is some website that you can search by their name to see if they have accounts with common e-mail servers.I think one is yoname and it's free.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 1:37am

Hi Selkie, I can understand how you are feeling. My H xow had a hold on him for three years but is was not love that kept him in her loop. Just like Myra said, it was about some one making your H feel like the king of all things and when a man does not know how to feel happy within himself he uses the OW to give him the "happys".


Do you know the OW? I kept OW out of it until I realized she was not going to go away because she wanted him at any level she could even if it meant just being his SH. I think I may have gotten the message across to her finally!!


Please do not make yourself crazy trying to "catch" him. Go with your gut feeling about whether or not he seems to have really really changed. Remember it's only been a month since dday#3 and you are still in the raw stages. I would also recommend starting the 180 plan and its great that you are preparing yourself mentally to go if there is just too much damage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 2:27am

Plus....if his office has a different server, he will be receiving and sending e-mail there that will not show up at home with another server, too.

 

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