1 Month after D-Day still no clearer
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|Tue, 05-27-2014 - 9:34am|
Please forgive my first post being a) so long and b) my first post. I don't know where else I can say all this so thought I would just get it out.
On 25th April I confronted my partner as I suspected him of seeing someone else. He confessed that he had been talking to someone online but that he had never met her. Turns out she is in America (we are in the UK). Over the course of the next week I got more details out of him, he was unable to tell me all in one go. It turns out that they have said they love each other and he was planning to go over there to see her. I don't believe he loves her. I believe it is infatuation and I don't believe it will last. I did at one point htink I should just let him go and then wait for him to crawl back to me.
We have a son together who is 2. We have built a business and a home together. He will lose all of that but doesn't seem to care.
Last week we were on holiday with his family in Italy. I had hoped that my compassion and love would show him that I want this relationship to work but that doesn't seem to be the case.
I have discovered today that he has purchased a ticket to go to America (I believe he bought it before I confronted him) and he is still considering whether he is going to go or not. He has booked a trip to Holland (his home nation) on the 24th June and he has booked a flight to the USA from there. He can go to the USA without telling me in effect. he is still in contact with this woman. She has planned a whole trip for them in a campervan with her 3 children. Her mother is going with her to collect him from the airport. This is scarily similar to how he and I met, which was also online.
I am not completely innocent, I accept that my behaviour has led to him needing to talk to someone else and wanting the affection that I had withdrawn through dealing with my own issues over the past 6 months, which have included depression. I have been doing my best to act with dignity and grace although this hasn't always been the case. I have enacted the 180 list as much as possible but feel that all is failing now. We have been to Relate once and are waiting for our appointment slot to get in more regularly.
At the moment, he is sleeping in our office. He has nowhere to go if he moves out and can not afford to. He will not say if he wants our relationship to continue or not. I feel as though I am being kept on a peg until he makes his mind up and either goes to the USA, in which case I will change the locks, or recommits to me and our son.
I have spoken to my family about it and most of his family know but I can't tell them about this latest development, I have a son to consider and I don't want his aunts and grandmother hating his father.
Am I being a complete fool? Is there any hope at all? Do I force him to make a decision or carry on with this charade hoping that he will come back to me? How can I focus on work (which I need to do also!) when this is happening and I feel like I'm going mental??
Any advice, empathy or just support would be gratefully received.
Thank you x