I am new to this discussion board, but not new to adultery.
The TONE of your post sounds like you have one foot out the door and the other one starting to kick it.
I know it is very hard to move on after a long term marriage. Congrats on getting yourself into a position financially so that you are able to make it on your own.
I will say this even though I caved in. If you gave him an ultimatum after the last affair that you would be done if if happened again, please stick to that for your own peace of mind.
My H put me through two ddays (same OW) over three years. The second dday I got myself emotionally and financially ready to be on my own. I stuck to my decision to separate but caved in after a few months and many promises from DH. I still wonder if I made the right decision because I am still in the pain very often and of course will not allow myself to ever trust him again no matter what.
The decision is yours, but I know I
I am sorry you are going through this. I am new to this board too and looking for insights I suppose. Do you wish you had left earlier? Sounds like you will go this time? The first time I found out that my husband was having an affair I had just found out I was pregnant with our second child. Our first child was six months old, and the affair had been going on for over 2 years. I stayed because I was afraid to be on my own, because I still loved my husband and because he begged me not to leave. Fast forward 5 1/2 years and I find out he's at it again, this time she is half his age and they have nothing in common. It had been going on almost a year. By now we have 5 young children the eldest still only 7. I stayed and six months later found he was still seeing her. through much digging I found another one during the time he was with the 20 year old. I am seeking separation but he will not sign and will not move out. We come from different countries and all these years I have lived away from family. I feel trapped. He has agreed to buy a house for me in my own country and has agreed for me to move back with the children but he will not agree to seperate or divorce. He wants to move with us. If I fight him on this I will not get a home for us and we will have nowhere to go. So I am trapped like this for now. Of course he is really sorry, it will never happen again, etc. etc. I feel I am several years behind were you are now. Do you think he even could change? I don't think he will and I don't think I could get over it again even if he could. But I am afraid to be alone with the kids. Though that has been mostly the case anyway. I am afraid of denying them their father. My husband earns a lot and now the older children go to very good private schools. They get almost as many overseas trips as the mistress did. That will not be an option when I move back home. He will fight a divorce and they will not be financially as well supported. Is a happy mum worth losing a (largely absent) but for the moment very hands on father, and financial security, great education etc. Will I even be happy? I do still love my husband but I will never trust him again - it's not enough anymore. I think if I stay again it will just be the same as you only eventually the children will be older so maybe it will be a little easier. They don't change do they? If you could go back would you leave earlier?
I just read your post, and it made me cry.
Thank you for the advice, I will take a look at the site and hopefully find some helpful information.